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Oh Rae, thank you for your kind words! I know what you mean about the needles!!! I am a medic and I can take all the blood, poop, throwup, broken bones...but I always sweat whenever needles and I must meet up. I will be thinking of you on Monday, don't know where you live, but I am in Oregon so I am probably 2-3 hours behind you. Keep me up-to-date and pat baby boy for me!

hang in there rae you are an amazing girl!!!!!!

deb-- also in oregon, so we are on the same time-frame. how odd, this is for people from everywhere, and yet there are still people so close. i mean, oregon isnt that big... so... yeah. thanks again.. everyone.

NO WAY! Right on! Without giving away too much privacy, I am in the PDX metro area, you? On to baby things, how's Baby Boy? Hope you're not having any more contractions. Be sure to let us know Monday how the doctor's visit went. Remember, you can always give labor a try and see how it goes I wouldn't go for the c-section unless there are clear indications you will need one, ok? Talk to you later, it's late!

haha. im usually from california, just moved up here, but from what i gather from oregon, if you live here, you live in the pdx area. haha. so yeah, im in the very same area as you. kind of comforting to know... of course ill let you know how the doctors visit goes. baby isnt trying to escape anymore just yet. sometimes i wish he would though, haha. and i think im going to try to go natural birth, if the doc. advises. i just want to make sure that my moms complications with it wont have pa__sed on to me... have a good night. i should definitely be sleeping now...

Sorry I haven't written back to check on you, how are you? I am fighting a flu-like illness and barely making it to school and work. Now I am getting what I refer to as "kennel cough" since it was probably the 5th family member in a row to cough in my face that infected me....lol. We have little ones and first graders in the family who just don't get it yet about germs. My kids are older so I thought I was over this, but now the next generation is here.....Anyhow, WHAT DID YOUR DOCTOR SAY YESTERDAY? I am so curious. How's baby boy? Write soon, okay.

well, i never got to go to the doctor, and i was SO mad... my insurance company sent my card to the wrong address, so it naturally came back to them. since it is state insurance, i guess its their policy to cancel the account of the person, 7 months pregnant or not, if they have returned mail. so i got to the office, not knowing that my ins. had been cancelled for almost 2 weeks (they cancelled it the day after i went to the hospital with contractions) and when the lady tried to look up the account, she found nothing. so i called, got all this information, and had to go back in and tell them that my ins. had cancelled me. luckily the ohp lady said that i would be put back on the next day (yesterday) but that didnt matter to the doc's office. i either had to pay $100 up front (i carry NO cash, or cards, or anything, ever. i lose them too often) or go home and wait. so i got rescheduled. next friday, the 21st is my appt. now. you can imagine how stressed/mad i was about that. i mean, that day was my 30 week mark, and i have not seen one regular doctor, only the hospital, so i havent done any of the routine tests, havent had a routine u/s, havent had an ob set my due date.... its so frustrating. i think im going to go to a different doc, because if they can only schedule me 2 weeks in advance (everything else was booked, she said) then i think id feel more comfortable if i were to go to a doc who was more available. but since i just moved here, i dont know who the "good" doctors are, so... ugh. ive been trying to not stress. OTHER than that... baby is still doing fine. i think hes gotten used to not being able to come out for another 10 weeks, at least, lets hope. ive been eating a LOT healthier since i got on wic, and i can get through work without feeling dizzy or too tired most days. my work is being awesome, giving me more hours, but letting me do the mundane chores like cleaning up and register work, so im not doing any heavy lifting anymore (yay!) and everyone has been ultra-supportive so far, well, everyone weve told. we still have it limited to the few people here in or. and my one best friend in ca. but, she is coming up for the big day, so, im really well off... the adoption thing has been taking turns being ok in my mind, and being the worst thing in the world... but every day it gets a little better. sorry it took so long to write! ive been busybusybusy!. im gonna go lay down now, before work... take care!

Hey Rae, doesn't that just make you furious???? Sorry for all the screw-ups you don't need anymore stress right now! If you are anywhere near the outer East-side of Portland I recommend Dr. Dina J. Levin (pronounced Luh-Vin) OB/GYN. She is firm when she needs to be firm, she listens, and she is a gentle friend when she thinks you need it. She did my hysterectomy 3 years ago and of course, all my follow-ups. She pulls no punches but puts YOU first. She also (you might like this) had to have a c-section for her first son and elected a V-BAC for her second son. She is in a great position to tell you all about the pros and cons of both methods being both a mom AND an Obstetrician. She has privileges at Portland Adventist Med Ctr. in SE Portland. Happens to be one of my favorite hospitals around town. Let me know if this might work for you. Get some rest and don't work too hard.

wow, thanks. that actually might work out for me. let me check into it. im actually in east portland, gresham/wood village/fairview area... so, im not sure how close she is, but im definitely looking forward to FINALLY getting to a doctor and seeing my baby again. thanks for the help, its so good to have a recommended doctor, instead of having to google "portland ob" or whatever. ill check into that right now, actually....

Hey Rae, how's baby boy? You really must check Dr. Levin out. I had a mammogram a week ago and SHE called me personally to tell me the results and to let me know she would be out of the office until a week from this coming Tuesday. I wish she could be my primary doctor as well, I feel more confident in her care than any othe physician I have. I only wish I had had her when I was having babies, she just cleaned up the natural messes of 4 c-sections. But I must tell you, I went to her for help, she quickly and in one visit diagnosed my problems, scheduled my hysterectomy after explaining EVERYTHING to me pro and con, did my surgery, followed up with me at home and in the office and has taken care of my female care ever since. Do know, however, while Dr. Levin obviously advocates V-Bac, some Portland Hospitals don't allow them, so discuss carefully what a c-section (if you are still thinking about it) entails for the rest of your delivery options in the future. Again, while some women prefer c-sections, I did not. Had a long day today, a state board exam for part of my nursing school and it was exhausting, take care and I will check back soon. By the way, you just take I-84 West to Halsey/Gateway exit and her office is right by the old Woodland Park Hospital (now called Portland Doctor's Hospital I thnk) on NE 102nd Ave. It would be easy to get to by car or bus. Write back!

thanks! im getting more, yet less nervous about the actual day coming. it feels so soon. but i have a very good friend due in ten days, so im starting to ease up. im trying to listen to more happy stories, rather than horror stories, because those do no good. bf and i had our first real talk about keeping our baby, instead of talking about adoption, last night. it wasnt all positives, of course, but i feel a little better about us. he was getting a little on my nerves cause i started to feel very alone in this whole thing. today is an emotional day. i think im going to clean, then lay down and work on a scarf, or maybe ill start my babys blanket today. just in your opinion, do you think that it would be okay or not (if we were to give him up) to make some sort of a memory book/blanket, that way he will have something that was from us? just wondering if thats kind of tacky. anyhow, im going to go lay down now... ill check back soon!

Hey Rae, good idea to focus on your delivery not anyone else's, you can find a story to match any position you want and some you don't want too. I hope you are okay, you sound a bit down last post. I think it is a fabulous idea to crochet a quilt for the little guy and i don't think anyone with a heart would think differently. In adoption it isn't just about the baby, it has to be about everyone. Talk to you later.

rae i also think the blanket is a very good idea!!! however, if you dont mind me saying i am getting the impression that you want to keep that baby and if anywhere in your mind you think you may want to please think about it no one can ever decide that for you so i am just scared for you b/c i feel like you are just basing your decision on what your bf and family think. you have to be happy with your decision too. are you okay?

my bf keeps asking me the same thing. (if im okay) some days i am, some days im not. i guess what it comes down to is that i do want to keep him more than anything, so does my bf, we just cant take care of him like someone else can. we want to do whats best for him, for us, for everyone, really. ive started ignoring what my parents would think, just because they wont be okay with me ever having kids unless im some famous lawyer first. i have to stop worrying about what they think. family just means a lot to me, and growing up, i didnt really have one. i was the odd one out when my parents and brother would be having a good time. it always seemed like if i were to come out of my room i would ruin it, because we would always end up arguing. ive never really felt like i had a family, so i think thats whats bugging me most.. that even though its the wrong time, i have the chance to have a family right now. deep down i KNOW i cant keep this child if i really want whats best for him. it seems very unnatural to give him up for adoption, i mean, whoever gets him isnt going to be able to b___stfeed him, they arent his mother. he wont have his real father. it doesnt seem right... but when it all comes down to it, if we were to keep him, my bf would quit school, so that he could work full time, we would have to break our lease, which costs about $1200, plus put a deposit down somewhere else, which is at least another $1000, because our complex is run by the worst people you could ever meet, and we are in a studio, and you can only have 2 people there, baby would make 3, i would have to put him in daycare, and while i know a lot of people agree with daycare, i just refuse to let my kids be raised by someone else half the time, and then by me the other half. it confuses them. i have a 3 year old nephew, and that poor kid is really confused about who is in charge, what he can do and say.. i just dont want that. but id have to put him in daycare so i could work, because there is no way we could live around here without us both having jobs... basically we would live a very lower income life, and we would be forcing our child to, also. i know money isnt everything, but no one can tell me that they would want that for their child when something better was available. i know, even right now, that i want what is best for him, always, even if that means whats best for him isnt me. unfortunately, it happens to be like that. i would really love to keep him. i think about it most of the day. i just want what is best for him also, so thats why im so torn. there isnt really a way to "win" in this situation for me, but there is for my child, and i know thats what i have to do for him.... that, and i have to stop letting all these hormones get the best of me =). thanks so much for everyones concern. i am really greatful for it. ill keep everyone updated as the weeks draw nearer.. today is 31 weeks! thats only 9 left. we are going to be talking to the counselors/agencies in the next couple weeks, so i will be able to give you guys more of an idea of whats going on pretty soon. =). thanks to everyone, once again.

oh rae you are breaking my heart. if you decide to keep him it will all work out. things just work out on their own, however, if you give him up for adoption you may regret it forever. kids dont care about money as long as they are fed, clean, and loved thats all they need. i am not saying money is not important but you can work it out if thats what you really want. i just worry you will regret it and i would hate to see that happen. if your bf supportive that you want to keep it?

Hi Rae, I'm actually a social worker (Toronto Canada) in the field of child welfare (if you're Canadian its CAS, if you're American, its DCFS). On occa__sion, I have been part of voluntary adoption processes. I must say, I've read all of your posts, and its is clear to me that you want the very best for your child!! You are clearly considering all the options, and weighing one against the other to determine what is in the best intersest of your child!! You've probably thought of these things already, but here goes: when children are adopted, there are still no garauntees that they will be rich, that they will have two parents, or siblings. That parents won't divorce, that they won't make poor choices or bad decisions! Except financially, they are often not much better off than you are!! If you want to keep your child, please find out about available resources!! You may be able to get tax benefits, baby bonus, health coverage, welfare, subsidized daycare (or set up yourself as a work from home mom, or daycare provider for other children!!). Forget what everyone else wants/thinks for a minute. What do YOU want for your child? I can advise, that I was adopted and grew up very happy. I was raised in a "rich" home, with lots of love, two parents, and lots of siblings. Definately financially better off than my birth parents were! But for all that, I was also always wondering why my mom and dad couldn't have kept me. I found them 7 years ago, and we cannot make our relationship work - for a mult_tude of inexplicable reasons (not that it would be that way for you!). I have the utmost respect for the fact they wanted a better life for me, and for the family they allowed me to have! I love my adoptive family and am greatful for all they gave me! And I certainly recognize the dilema you presently find yourself in! As a social worker, what could I do to a__sist you with your decision? Would you be able to meet with a social worker in your area to find out what resources are available which would help you keep your baby? Can I help in any way at all?? Please keep us posted, and let me know what I can do to make this difficult time a little easier for you and your boyfriend!! Thanks for taking the time to read... I hope we'll hear from you soon! Anne B.