Pregnancy Info HOME

I know how you feel - although I don't have an answer! I am due in 12 weeks, but so far dr. is still saying no. My fear is that I'll have the feelings of resentment towards everyone anyways - but even worse if there are complications with my labor, you know? Like what if I'm that one in whatever that ends up with a colostomy bag for life, or just awful tearing and pelvic floor damage. I'll be so p__sed at everyone that I was forced to deliver this way! I don't know what to do, but it's making me sick thinking about it, I'm so scared. I have heard that planned sections are far safer than emergency ones, and so I also keep thinking, what if I end up with one anyways, and something goes wrong, because it was an emergency? Ooooohhhh, I'll be furious with my doctor. Well, just wanted to let you know that you're not alone. We'll get through it somehow, because the baby has to come out no matter what - but yeah, I'll probably be pretty volatile to be around in that delivery room!

I had a v____al delivery and never considered a c-section (I'm older, and when I was having my girls, no one really considered it) - but I understand how out of control this makes you feel. You have to try to remember that stress is bad on babies! That said, labor is tramatic for everyone to some degree. No matter how excited you are about the baby (because honestly, I just can't describe that first moment) - there's still a feeling of letdown, because you just went through something so intense, and you don't feel like anyone really knows. I may get flooded with hate mail after this, but maybe what would be best for you after you deliver is to have the baby go to the nursery after being cleaned up, and you go to your room, take a hot shower, take a nap, don't have a swarm of visitors, - just take some time for yourself to gather your thoughts, and accept what you just went through. Don't worry about missed bonding time - your relationship will be just fine; plenty of kiddos are in nicu for months and bond just fine with their mother. Besides, once you've had time to regain your composure on your own, I think you'll be missing that baby sooner than you think! And I wouldn't worry about doctor's and nurses - most women in labor are not very pleasant, and the staff is probably quite used to it. Just keep in mind they are there to help you, and whether you agree with his choice or not, he has (a__sumes he does at least) your best interests in mind. Also - it might not hurt to find someone such as a therapist to talk to afterwards, someone completely detatched from the situation. I don't think alot of women realize how imoprtant it is to talk about their experiance, good or bad, after labor.

I was the opposite, and told I had to have a c-section. I felt totally violated also, and was devestated by my birth experiance. I usually get irritated by women who elect a c-section, but your post made me realize that this is as important to you as my v____al was to me, and you must feel just like I did. I am not sure what to say to make you feel better, because I have to admit, I was really an unhappy woman for quite awhile after my delivery. I just wanted to tell you I understand, and I'm sorry you are so overwhelmed by this.

I just wanted to offer my support, because I am afraid you may soon be bombarded by those who are so against elective c-sections. I guess it's too late to change doctors (?!?) I'm sorry you have to deal with this. It's a new world out there, and I really think women should be allowed the choice, so long as they know the risks. (to me it all goes back to the 'ole - I can have b___st implants, though?!?!?!)I was scared to death of labor, and opted for a c-section. I wish you could come here and have my doctor! I have no regrets about my choice, 7 months later.

Here we go again, if you can't even handle the thought of BIRTH...what are you going to do when the parenting gets REALLY HARD??? sorry you can't get your way, but newsflash, YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT, JUST ABOUT EVERYONE DOES.

Melissa, I used to be someone just like you, I thought all the same things you did. I also felt like I would resent my son for "putting me through all this" because my doctor said I did not need a c-section. I know you don't want to hear this, but I am so glad I had a doctor who knew what was best for me! I cried on the way to the hopital, screamed that I couldn't do labor and delivery and then I got the epidural...things calmed down almost immediately, I actually started looking forward to each contraction, the doc and nurses respected my distaste for lots of people "down there" and so kept it to just one nurse of my choosing and my doc. After 9 hours, 80% of it totally pain free, I had a beautiful boy and contrary to my c-section counterpart whom i met in admitting, I was up and about and feeling fabulous an hour after he was born!!! Please reconsider how you approach this, it is needless anxiety and is wasting the last month of a most precious time of your life. I know you think you can't do it and others compare choosing a c-section to b___st implants or what not, but this is NOT the same as cosmetic surgery, they are not cla__sified the same and the risks are totally different so don't listen to that argument. I just thought you might like to hear from someone who didn't get the c-section she adamently desired and in hindsight am so glad I didn't. The other lady looked horrible and could barely move and I was just fantastic! Best wishes.

melissa I know how you feel.My 1st birth I had natural,and things can go wrong.I was in agony,the pain was so bad,some drugs made me vomit the epidural did not take,at one point I felt my legs were being pulled apart,horrendous.Then they told me they would do a cut on my next contaction,boy I felt that.As for women who say afterwards you forget the pain,I did not,I remember wanting my baby to just shrivel up and die,afterwards I was very sore down there,it stung when I wee'd and it made it harder because I could not see it.I made a point of saying we either have one child,or have a section,it was agreed.I felt calmer throughout the pregnancy,even though both at that point was new,the thougt of the operation was calmer.On the day it was exciting,but nervous,the nurses etc were very good,and rather than seeing them when you are not yourself,i.e in pain,everything was more on an even keel.The operation was fine,I was wide awake the moment the baby came into the world,the recovery,for me was not that bad,I had the medications,and it was nice to have help with the b___st feeding,to be honest it is something that a new mother would want,if you did not want the nurse there,you could say that it was alright,you could manage,for that I prefered it.The pain in contrast was manageable,I can see why famous women choose this form of birth.If I were you,I would just say how very stressed you are gettting,and inform them that a stressed out mother when she goes into labour is a potential risk.You could have Tokophobia,we had a lady on here a while back,mandy,terrified of having a baby,been with her man 20yrs or more,she wanted a baby with him,he'd wanted one for yrs,but she was too afraid to even get pregnant.I asked her to wrte back when she got pregnant,never heard for a while now,poor thing,we all have a fear of something.

honey, parenting and labor are two different things - labor is a very humiliating experiance for alot of people. They don't want to feel that way about it, but they do. Don't a__sume someone's going to be a bad mom because she's scared of labor. Melissa, the fear of resenting your baby is normal.

My first baby was 7 weeks early. I had a c-section but was asleep through it and woke up 3 days later to meet my daughter. The recovery was long and my incision burst open. I had to stuff it with gauze for 12 weeks! It looked like raw hamburger. The Gap was 6 inches wide by about 4 inches deep, maybe more. My second baby was VBAC. I was like you scared, worried about things, especially about pooping everywhere (you know you hear stories) worried about tearing, dying, about all the people in and out of the room and not knowing any of these people & I didnt know what to expect in anyway. I was worried the nurses would treat me like "oh you've had a baby before" and just not explain things or they'd just b__w me off. It was the exact opposite. The nurses were calm, gentle, very nice, supportive, they explained everything. They were almost more supportive than my husband. Maybe bec he was clueless too. But the nurses are your advocate and what ever you want, they will do. If you want more modesty, they will give it to you. As long as you are nice and not a beast, they will do anything in their power to make this a special private experience. Tell them your fears up front and they will help you. It's their job to help you through this. I did have a tear but the pain was not even as bad as my section was. I think either way has it's pros and cons. Now I have baby #3 on the way due Feb 8th. Yeah. I hope things work out for you. Take advantage of the nursery for extra time for yourself and to get the rest you need that was one thing I felt guilty about and should have taken advantage of, but didn't.

Melissa, I am sorry you are going through this, you should have written sooner maybe someone could have helped to locate a doc willing to do electing c. I cannot believe in this day and age women are judge and refused their right to choose healthcare they prefer. this is all about money. trust me, if you were paying cash for your operation, hospital stay, the entire thing you doctor would MOST DEFINATATELY agree to a csection... I am so sorry about your worries.

Melissa, I am sorry you are so worried you feel a surgery would be better for you. i know it seems like you will not embarra__s yourself as much, but there are feelings and situations after c-sections that can make you feel very self conscious too. I felt resentment a bit towards my baby because he wouldn't fit properly and I had to endure all that pain with my section. Not an easy thing to admit for sure. I do not think when a medically trained professional does not want to perform an unecessary operation it is due to money, some doctors respect the risks that are involved with anesthesia, infections, bleeding and blood clots. They don't operate when unecessary because it is not ethical to put someone at more risk. I know many women say you can get b___st implants...etc...but that is not the same thing, to open the abdomen and cut through protective layers of tissues and musculature, very near huge blood vessles and vital organs is not cosmetic surgery. I know you said you did the research, but honestly, nothing you could have found makes up for years of medical school and maybe your doctor really thinks you will be fine and will be doing you a favor in the end. I hope with all my heart you can come to terms with this (no pun intended...) and have a wonderful birthing experience. Once you get going you will be very focused on your task at hand...best wishes to you.

My gosh, I am probably only 10-15 years older than most of you and i can't believe what a bunch of sissies some of you have become...a birth being a "violation"? In actuality, (having been raped as a child) the only "violation" here is the INITIAl act if you want to get down to it. I am very sorry some of you have fear of labor, but quit listening to a bunch of women who want to exaggerate their birth horrors and for God's sake quit watching those baby shows. I had a normal but very long delivery and I had a scheduled c-section, the c-section was far harder all the way around. I am teeny tiny, weigh only 90 pounds and have the hips and pelvis of a child, you really must just deal with it ladies, if you want to be a mother. I have noticed this developing att_tufde more and more amoung 20 somethings, you don't want to wait for labor to start, you don't want to feel a thing, you dont' want labor to run its course, you don't want to ...whatever...geeze, there are things a LOT worse than childbirth. Just have your babies for crying out loud !

Melissa - don't even bother with that last one, it's perfectly natural to feel upset by all of this - the labor, and the fact that you are not being given a choice. I think it was quite obvious you were not trivializing rape - just saying not having a choice feels like a violation, and it does! Older women don't seem to get that the world is changed. Women are now free to discuss what scares them. Sure those women all gave birth without alot of the options we have now - but that's not to say a ton of them wouldn't jump at the chance if they could have!! Trust me, there were plenty of women scared, and unsure if they could cope. As for your actual delivery, make sure you register for an epidural - and if you haven't yet taken a birth preperation cla__s, you might look into it. Otherwise, I guess you do have four weeks to try to work on your doctor. Good luck, and let us know how it turns out!

I guess we are in a different boat. I had an emergency c-section for my first child due to severe preclampsia. I found out last week that by second child is breech so I have scheduled a second c-section. I feel awful that my option of having a natural childbirth has been taken away. I will never be able to bond with my daughter regarding child birth experiences because I will never know what contractions feel like. I will never experience the feeling of my child going through the birth ca___l. I will never experience the feeling of my child placed in my arms after giving birth. With regards to pain and humiliation, both procedures offer a little bit of both. You have a cathedar put into your bladder as you are unable to control any voiding after a c-section. The next day, you have to walk around the maternity ward with a urine bag hanging from your walker, which they will keep in you for a 24 hour period. You have to walk around at least every 2 hours. They will not let you leave until you have done a bowel movement after the c-section and you need to show that you have done one. My scar hurt for over a year after the c-section. My scar openned up and yellow discharge and blood came through and I needed to wear a pad for at least 3 weeks to catch the blood coming from the wound. I envy you that your physician is having you do a natural birth

To April, my point was made when the only person you could empathize with was a woman wanting an unecessary operation, as opposed to someone who knows what it really is like to have both a REAL violation AND a c-section, I also have a v____al birth to compare to the other two events. No need to say anymore, you said it all when you dimissed me because I know the difference. It IS normal to be frightened of the unkown, sorry if I just have the guts to say the truth. Vaginal birth is OBVIOUSLY not only survivable but is repeated more times a day than cesarean births. I do understand Melissa's trepidition, but the myth being perpetuated that a c-section is less scary or risky or painful than a v____al birth is ridiculous and can be downright dangerous. Thanks for showing the inability to see BOTH sides of an issue. Why listen to a silly doctor, just listen to a bunch of women on a forum instead. Anyone who has actually done UNBIASED "research" doesn't choose surgery that is unecessary and don't start with cosmetic surgery it is cla__sified as non-major surgery for a reason. Melissa, just try and relax and best wishes to you.

Melissa. I know where you're coming from. Trust me. I'm just on the opposite end of the spectrum. My baby was born 8-22-05 via scheduled c-section. I remember being SO scared of all the things that could go wrong; what if the drugs don't take well enough and I feel it? What if I have to be put to sleep? (Being awake and seeing the birth (whether v____al or c-section) was a huge deal to me.) What if I died? What if my daughter died? What if I accidentally move during my spinal and I paralyze myself?? All these needless worries. BUT I say needless only because the chances of them happening are very low, and when it came to be over with, all I cared about at that time was listening to the sound of my baby girls beautiful cry. I know you have weighed the risks and feel that you'd rather recover from a C-Section, even if it IS possibly a longer and more painful recovery (I swear some people just want to reb___tle one sentence they read and don't finish reading before they add their two cents (coughwhathashappened?coughcough)). You're not a bad person at all for wanting to give birth by C-Section. I'm suprised too that women are always being TOLD how to have their babies. (I understand there is a difference with emergency and weighing risks to mother and baby, though.) But to opt for a C-Section is not wrong. I'm admitting though, I'm honestly jealous of you. I wanted so badly to have a VB. But Delta was breech so I had to schedule the day she was to be born. I was comforted by the fact that I was going to be allowed to watch (things like that don't gross me out,) and I'd at least be able to see the miracle of birth, even if it wasn't through the "original" birth ca___l. :c) But then... Even that was taken from me when they told me there were no mirros available. I hated my birth experince. Recovery was awful and long, my bowels took forever to return to normal, and I hate the scar and new shape of my belly. ON THE OTHER HAND- I have a friend who had to have an emergency C-Section because her sons head wasn't positioned right and he was basically stuck there. She says she had the best birth experience and recovery was a breeze, she was on her feet and feeling great in no time at all. She says she still wonders what a VB would have been like, but she's happy and is in total love with her baby boy. If you're totally adamant about no VB, try to fight it. Hard, stick to your guns. But if when you go into labor, and you know that no doctor will give you what you desire, try to go at it with your best effort and will. There will be nothing worse then having to go through labor and pushing and then being in total mental agony the whole while through. Just keep picturing your new baby in your arms, and how happy you will be when the contractions are doing their job. I remembering reading in one of my pregnancy books that if you're afraid of the birth, make it more real to you. Try to get a healthy view on it. Don't become so engrossed with what all can be awful or scary about it, but also don't pretend it will be a breeze (or in your case, you'll be able to get out of it and have an opted C-Section). Talk to your doctor honestly and openly, see if they know a birthing counseler at the hospital that maybe you can meet and get to know... ? Maybe someone who will be in the room with you? See if your hubby or boyfriend/baby's father can learn how to breathe with you, coach you through it. If you haven't already, take a birthing cla__s. Go to the library and take out some birthing books. (Avoid ones that dwell too much on "what can go wrong" and look more for ones that will get your mind into the groove of things.) Before you know it, birth, whether by surgery or pushing, will be over with and the last thing in your mind. You will only be consumed by your little bundle of joy sleeping like a little angel wrapped warmly and cradled in your arms.