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hello again mandy! just came back to check up on you. sounds like form your comments, you haven't made too much headway. without some form of counseling, be it a psychologist or a pastor or some other type of therapy, at this point i believe that it's unlikely that you are going to make much progress. i freely admit that i am no expert, but woman-to-woman, mandy, there is more to your fear than meets the eye. go see someone who can help you get to the bottom of this and free yourself of it! ((regardless of whether you start a family or not!!))

I would just like to say,i think you'd regret not having a natural childbirth,it is the best experience in the world,and having a c-section is major surgery!It takes longer to recover from a section and after pain is supposed to be alot worse too,i think you should go with the flow when your in labour,and if any complications arise,the go for a c-section,which could be offered!

get yourself pregnant, enjoy your pregnancy with your husband family and friends, Do Not opt for a c-sect. If it is nessesary then fine for you and please God the babys safety but this a major surgery. Try to relax, and let nature take its course. I had one c-sect and I thank God It was my 4th baby not my first. a normal delivery is best for all , sometimes it cant be previnted ,some times not, but enjoy it. children are the best in the world. please dont let other peoples experiences get to you. everyone has their own. I had 3 within 2 hours of my first contraction the 4th was hell from birth through recovery. but we are fine now and loving every minute of him. good luck to you and your husband please keep in touch. please don't forget you have a choice of pain relivers epidural and oral med you do not have to be a martyer to be a mom. good luck.

Thank you for those who have checked up on me.Last monday my husband and I had to dash to his father as he'd had a heart attack.All his adult children were there.When we came home,we did have s_x,sorry to be explicit,but you know...different this time.Yes,I said to,and yes,I am worried.I am in two minds,I want to have a family,but as you all know,just don't know the best way to go.I am reading all your comments,and appreciate what people are saying.

i just had a cesarean 3 1/2 months ago and everything i went through was worth it. i don't like to share what i went through with anyone pregnant for the first time or thinking of becoming pregnant. everyone's experience is different and you don't want to worry about things that you may never have to experience. i'll just say this. GET AN EPIDURAL. THEY ARE WONDERFUL!!!!!!! don't over think it. if you want a child stay focused on the end result. my daughter is the best thing in the world. i want 3 more kids even if i have to have 3 more cesareans. if my doctor didn't want me to wait, i want to be pregnant again already.

Hello Mandy I am 24 weeks pregnant now and I also cried for the first few weeks, perhaps caused by hormones but more by sever anxiety about childbirth. I read all the books and forums and came to the conclusion that a scheduled C- section is the solution. I think you remain in control - find a very good surgeon - My sister in law had a natural vag deliver with child one and a C-sec with child 2. She says the pain of the nat birth with an episiotomy was similar to the pain of the C section. The recovery seems different for different women, but by then you will have the baby and I intend to be positive about it. Most medical professionals are pro natural birth, but my previous female gynae told me that her first baby will be a scheduled C section. I am still very scared, but will feel more comfortable with a C-section. Perhaps in future the 2 of us will regret being so paranoid, so try to make a decision and stick with it.

Michelle, thanks for your comments.Bonding and love is a wonderful thing,as you say you'd do anything for your baby now.Amanda,you think the same way as me,a c-section may cause problems afterwards,but its more controlling.As for ha ha,it took me many,many yrs to admit I have a problem,before that I'd think to try for a baby was a long way away.I think that is so wrong to say a real woman gives birth naturally.I bet if you had a lifethreatoning illness you would not turn down medication,or an operation.A woman with child is there to be a mother,thats the most important, raising a child,giving birth is just the 1st step,the rest lasts a lifetime.

mandy i think you should judt get pregnant:) once you can't turn back and you have no choice you will embrace the thought and let your body do what it is meant to do....that is what a womens body is meant for and trust me you can do it! i have had 2 c sections and would not give my 2 boys up for anything in this world! think about it look at all the people in the world that have good and bad childbirth experiences and yet they go back for more...i love how a women can tell you her god awful expereiences and scare the ba geezzes out of ya and then you ask how many kids they have "oh i have 3" yeah well then its not that bad...i am sure you will be fine it may be something you just have to stop thinking so hard about and just do!

Mandy I completely sympathize with what you're saying. I am also scared. I'm a newlywed but I also want a family and am scared of what the future may bring. However, I am actually more afraid of hospitals than of childbirth itself. I'm also afraid of my body's reaction to things. I have fainted many times for different reasons and once I fainted and had a seizure after giving blood (almost) to the redcross. So, I'm apprehensive about childbirth. I don't want to be panicked about it or react in a state of shock. I'm not too scared of the pain. Many women tell me that especially with an epidural it's not bad. A friend also told me that she kept expecting the "ring of fire" but actually didn't even know that her son was already all the way born. It's easy to give the advice to go for it but not easily done. Afterall, it is your body not your husband's that has to go through the pregnancy and childbirth. Every person experiences it differently, so there is no knowing what the future may hold for you if you get pregnant. You may actually surprise yourself by having a quick and easy birth (some friends of mine took only 15 minutes of pushing to have their baby). You might also surprise yourself at how well you can handle it. At least, that is what I am hoping for me. I plan on having baby #1 (when it's time), then if I have a horrible experience, I just won't do it again or I'll adopt. I know I can recover. Afterall, it can't be too much worse than some cases of the flu that I've had. Labor is really only 2-3 days out of your life, then it's over, and you have a family. I wish I could be as calm about it as some seem to be, but I will have to find the strength within myself to go through with it when it's time (we're not trying right now).

I don't mean to frighten you,carrie,but I had a very bad experience with labour,so much so I won't have another child,not v____ally anyway,people say its over when you have the baby it does'nt last long,let me tell you in labour it felt like my legs were being ripped apart,I wanted my child to shrivel and die,then felt guilty over it,I became a different women angry at the baby,angry at people trying to calm me.Never in the childbirth cla__ses did I think it would be like this,all those pro-good natural birth people.I tried drugs,made me sick.I love my daughter,but I did'nt know of her before she came along,but I now know pain.I won't have another naturally,go for the c-section I'd say,thats the only way I'd do it again. Many,you sound so very scared,I would be worried that if you went into labour and tensed up you would not be able to cope,I have'nt had a c-section,but I doubt with an infection it could be worse than my experience.

the person who wrote to carrie,I think you are right,I am learning so much on these sites,and and leaning more towards a c-section.

hi mandy,thanks for being so honest,I too am like you,only just found out I'm pregnant,seems to me that people who have had natural births wants me to go for it,but I like reading posts,like one from marcie who had both I know each birth is different but its such a big thing.I have been watching anything to do with birth,the programme with Davina Mccoll "look he's having a baby"two of them had babies by section,seemed ok to me...what a group they chose to have on te show though!

help.....I am now so scared,I finally let my guard down,3 times last month,today I feel giddy,and sick,and shaking just a little.I am now scared I am pregnant,although that was the ideal.I have been worried about giving birth,now I am worried about such a life change,and if I feel bad now what will I be like later.We are planning to fly for a holiday soon...jan.God what have I done?I regret it all now.

Hello Mandy it is natural to be afraid or nervous about giving birth I tried natural childbirth but I didn't dialate all the way i got to 5cm and quit I had an epi they are awesome and I have had a spinal also good I ended up having to have an emergency C with my daughter and a schedule C with my son because of the same problem I am now due next month to have a third C I haven't had a v____al so I don't know what the recovery is like but with a C it takes longer to heal and there can be some complications do some research I agree with Julie give it a try and see how things go if things don't progress then go for a C gl 2u and the baby

Be strong, sister! What you have done is possibly started a new life. Birth is quite survivable in industrialized nations! Relax, I had 4 very poor c-section experiences, but I am walking around ok now, loving my children, going to Nursing school, coaching Special needs athletes and all. You have innate strengths you haven't tapped yet, really. Do NOT gauge your life's experiences (or future ones) on other people's horror stories. Try a well-monitored labor w/pain relief and see how it goes, choose your physician carefully and keep them fully ab___st of your anxieties, but also demand some control of yourself, give yourself a good talking to when things feel overwhelming find YOUR power, it's there!

Mandy,you know you can always come on here for re-a__surance.I had a scheduled section and I loved it.Unlike some other comments,for you I feel its the right move too.You don't have to get stressed wondering when labour will start,and when it does go along with the increase in pain of tightening,you have a date,usually the week before,go in all calm,the doctors are supportive,you feel nothing during the delivery,just some prodding,but no pain.The recovery is fine,take the meds,again the nurses are supportive,the meds easy the pain,all the time you are in control,which is what you worry about don't you?