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Hello. My husband and i have been trying to have a baby. Recently i concieved but unfortunately lost the baby at 9 weeks. Now we are trying again and i have noticed that he is not that into it as he was before. I confronted him about it and he said that he doesnt know if you wants children because he is not sure if he would make a good father. He said that he is sick of the pressure from me to have a baby. This was a shock to me. I dont know if he is just having anxiety or what i should do. Does anyone have any advise or does anyone know of any good websites. My husband took my joy of concieving away... any advise?
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The best thing would be to get him to talk, but that may be easier than it sounds. Although the situation of losing a baby was very traumatic for the both of you, it may have affected him a little differently. My husband and I had a very difficult time as well, and we put a lot of pressure on ourselves. Thankfully, he was the one that handled it better than I did. But, similar to your husband, I began to state that I may not want a child (and truthfully, I wanted nothing more). The mind is so complex and has a strange way of dealing with things... But you just won't know till he opens up. Perhaps the both of you need some time off from trying.. It can be very stressful.
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I think his att_tude may be a defense mechanism in case u guys get hurt again. You will get pregnant and you will have a beautiful baby if you keep trying. I can understand how that could be very stressful on both of you. Just enjoy your s_x life and don't talk about it too much. Let nature do it's work.
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I think the other ladies are right. Maybe a little break would be helpful. You ask him if he really wants to stop trying for a while. I bet he might say no. I know I talk about babies until my husband tunes me out. I'm sure he is still reeling from the loss and can't focus on a new baby plan yet. I wouldn't worry too much. Just give it time and pamper the couple relationship a bit. It will work out.
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Thanks for the advice ladies. I have spoken with my husband and he has told me that seeing me in so much pain is what caused him to say that. His frame of thinking was if i dont get pregnant again then i would have the risk of having another M/C and D&C. He told me that he misses the romantic part of making love and he just has a lil trouble when its planned. I can understand where he is coming from. I have decided to back off for a while and just let life take its course. I am going to stay on the clomid but i am not going to worry about having s_x everyother day.
thanks again for the help.
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me and my gf had tried to get preg for about 2 months, neither month worked, so wejust kind of quit trying, but didn't quit nothing else, and now she's preg, so just don't give up but just don't be like the only reason you have s_x is for a baby, let the fun come back into it and you'll get something out of it in return, keep an eye on when you ovulate and everything else too if you'd like to try to have a baby still
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I Dont think he is sick. I beleive that it is an emotional investment and loss of your last child hurt him deeply and it may take a while for it come right. I remember for me when my wife pregnant the emotional weight of it all was a heck of a lot but thanks to friends and family and wife i managed a bit. if you want to have a baby, have folic acid (SP?) that should promote it well and dont over exert yourself in any means. also dont use any contraceptives at all and dont say lets have s_x so we can have a baby, let it happen.
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My wife is 21 weeks pregnant and she made her point very obvious that she wanted one. And we are very happy right now. But she made it very obvious how much she wanted to get pregnant almost everyday and it was so nerve wrecking for me to want a kid with having this pressure from her for it to occur.
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