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give him space, he is hurting more then you...if he never comes around or you guys pull apart just remember you could have stopped it before anything else happened and that he is the one hurt here...truly i feel bad for your situation, but i feel that yous husband and son were the ones effected by your actions...you had fun and maybe you regret it, but you made a decision and you kept it going for two months. I can see maybe if you kissed a guy and then said hey I don't wanna, but for two months I can't really give you words of comfort because your husband needs the comforting not you...your mistake, your decision...his heartbreak

I know my husband is the one that needs the comforting--thats what I am asking--what do I do to give him that?

My previous husband cheated on me and he said it was because he thought I didn't love him.... I loved him.... There really is no escuse and it is sooo unfair to the other.... In our case i kicked him out and he filed for divorce we got divorced and back together after divorce it got really messy and ugly in the end - WE were never able to make it work and for me his infidelity is what did it.... I hope you two can work things out if it is in the best interest of all involved.... Wish you all the best....

my fiance cheated on me the last 5 months of my pregnancy, he has since gotten sober and into recovery made lots of wonderful changes ect , but i'm having a hard time letting it go i hold onto the past hard. your situation is different but i will tell you what i want from him...its unreasonable but i'm hurt and i want it anyway. i want to see that his guilt and shame over it hurts him as much as the betrayal hurts me and i want to see him as miserable as me when i cry. basically i want to see remorse not just hear 'i'm sorry but its in the past you have to move on'...i know i do but let me mourn the loss of trust first and d__nit mourn with me. maybe you could write him a letter of apology and explain your regret over hurting him, and remember the lie hurts him even before he knows about it, and also explain your love for him, and why this could never happen again (it hurts everybody involved) i also suggest looking into counseling. it doesn't sound like you desperatly need it but it can always help the healing process. sorry to go on and on but i've been crying half the day about this and i'd like to comfort your husband if i could cause i hate how this feels and don't want anyone else to feel this way...so i hope this helps you both i know it was a rant, sorry about that. good luck to your family and learn from your mistakes, it sounds like you have tho so someday teach your kids so they never have to go through this at least not of their own choice

sagekelli-I am so sorry that you are going through that. I have wrote my dh letters and I have cried everyday since I told him--I think he knows how sorry I am and he knows that I will NEVER do it again. I have learned so much from my mistake--I realized how much I truley love him and it sucks that he is hurting so much. I told him I will do whatever he wants me to do. I hope you can forgive your fiance someday--if he is truley sorry he will do whatever it takes! thank you for all of the advice so far ladies.

My dh and I have been happily married for 2 years now. We are closer than any other couple I know of. We are truely soul mates. He cheated on me over 5 years ago now when we were still dating. It tore me to pieces. I thought I hated him (and a part of me did). It took alot of work, dedication, and years before I trusted him fully. I went through all of his things whenever I felt the need. I answered his phone if I didn't recognize the number calling. What it really came down to in the end is needing him to deal with me; with whatever it took to make me realize that his intentions were pure to me and that he was heartfully sorry. He never kept it from me, he told me right away. And he cried and cried and cried and so did I. It takes alot for a person to get over betrayal, especially from the person that they are most vulnerable to. The person they love. Tell him every day that you love him. Hold nothing back. Tell him all of your emotions and reasons as well as listen to him. Although this is somethuing you created, you will not be able to fix it by yourself. It is important that he understands how it made you feel as well and what you felt like that pushed you to that point . Cater to him .Don't tell him that any of his feelings are ridiculous. Show him your love and give him space. It's a deep wound so be prepared to do what it takes for however long it takes. I promise that if you stick through this together you will come out stronger in the end. Remeber, for better or for worse...

jstar-thank you so much for your advice-it brought tears to my eyes!

I say you ask him...ask him what he wants you to do...if he has no answer then wait. Make him know you love him as much as has been mentioned...prove to him that your willing to change and prove that you won't do it again. If it makes him feel better, let him read your e-mails...let him check your phone. At this point its hard for him to regain trust...but be willing to sacrafice everything so he can ragain that trust. He needs you at this point, but its hard for him to go to you...theres a saying...what do you do when the only peron who can get you to stop crying, is the one who made you cry. This works here, he may nt be crying I don't know but deep down he is as you know...but you do need to open up...I know if my hubby told me he cheated on me I would be heartbroken, I probably wouldn't be able to ever forgive him. I wouldn't take him away from my baby, and I ouldn't love him any less...I would just feel betrayed and I would never allow myself to go back to him and he tells me he would feel the same. We believe marraige is sacred, and in the bible it states that the only means for a divorce is if someone commits adultrey so I know it should be taken serious. But everyone is different. and it seems easier said then done. I know I wouldn't want to be with him, but deep down I would wanna forgive him. But I would probably give up and just focus my life on my baby and forget about how I feel. I hate the thought of thinking about it, I don't know how bad it would hurt, but these things take time, they take working hard to regain trust on many aspects, and they take love...but mainly patience on your part. He just needs to be rea__sured. He needs you most right now, he may not think so but he does. You have to give it all to regain this back.

Anytime! I'm glad there is good to had of it. There is not a reason behind why everything happens but it is up to us to derive good from the bad! Good luck. =

I've been married for 3 years to my dh. I recently made a confession that I slept with someone after he broke up with me over five years ago. He begged and pleaded for me to tell him any dirt I had before he asked me to marry him but I could'nt. This big secret came out right before Valentines day and he left for a few days. He came back and we both did a lot of talking and crying. I became pregnant in March with our first baby. Now he is going back and forth making life miserable for us both! I don't know how to cope with his hurt either. He realizes it was when we were not together (he broke up with ME!) But he is sooooo hurt and depressed about it. He won't stop obsessing and asking me questions about details. I feel like I owe him details but it only makes things worse. It sucks so bad because I want to enjoy this pregnancy and move on with our lives, but he won't let me forget what I did! I know he loves me and wants this marraige to work, but what is it going to take for me to convince him that I can be trusted again and that time of our lives was just a big dark ugly circ_mstance that shouldn't have happened! I could NEVER cheat on him and I never did...but I did lie, and I know that's wrong. I was afraid of losing him forever, he told me he would leave me if I slept with someone and hid it from him. I was convinced however at that time that he was sleeping with other girls...but he says he never did. We are going to get some counseling, but any more advise would help.