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Maybe you could organize a get together somewhere simple, like mcd's and have each dad bring their boy. You can catch up with all the dads and make your concerns known... I would not mention the part about them remembering their mom, bc who knows how the dad is going about that and what he is dealing with as far as each boy is concerned. This way, the brothers all get to see each other as well. How sad! You make me cry!

It's not inappropriate at all - she was their mother. I would absolutely want my daughter to know about me! I suggest just calling or writing the dads, and say that you're her cousin, and you miss the boys, and would like to continue to know them, as they are your family, too.

They live 12 hours away, so a get together isn't in the stars. That's another thing, the boys dont get to see eachother, and they live in the same city! My cousin's death was quick, but not unexpected, and she was only 26. Not one of the dad's even came to the funeral.. so it just goes to show what kind of people I am dealing with. I dont think its unappropriate for me to want the kids to know who their mother was, but I'm pretty sure it just isn't my place to tell them.

Are the boys in contact with anyone in your family? Like perhaps your cousins parents or siblings?

TC ~ Nope! My Aunt gave up on trying to keep in contact with them. I think she wasn't persistent enough, and also the fact that she never got a long with the dad's in the first place, never helped. I am more of a bystander... I knew what was going on regarding the dad's situations, but never involved myself. So I'm hoping my lack of interference will get me into "the loop".

You know...your cousin's parents could take the dads to court for visitation. It isn't right that the boys are cut off from half their family because their mother pa__sed.

You're right Jamie! Grandparents do have rights, dont they?!!! I'm not sure if my Aunt has looked into that. The funny thing is, only one of the boy's fathers had visitation rights, when my cousin was alive. Now that she's pa__sed, they all have soul custody! I dunno, I miss her her terribly, and it's been 2 years almost to the day that she died, and the oldest kids birthday is on Christmas day... I just get choked up, b/c this is the time of year that families should be spending time together, and nobody is.

I'm sorry...this is a hard time of the year to not be with your family. I would definately look into getting visitation, if not custody, of those boys. That's one of the reasons why, as soon as I found out I was pregnant, DH and I both wrote letters detailing who gets our daughter in the event of our deaths, based on our opinions that they (my dad and stepmom) are most likely to make sure that she sees EVERY member of her family, not just one side or the other.

You know, dh and I are having a really hard time deciding who gets to care for our children, if something were to happen to the both of us! It really is something that parents should figure out, in the event of a terrible accident or such. I would be devastated to know that my children weren't able to see eachother or other family members.

Since we were both in the military when we found out I was pregnant, and my unit was actually training for re-deployment, it was a pretty big priority for us. So - my dad/stepmom are the first choice for legal guardians, then my BIL and his wife are #2, and, oddly enough, my brother's ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend are #3. We've also specifically stated that my mother and DH's parents are NOT to gain custody, though we do want them to have visitation rights. My parents, BIL, and brother's ex-gf all have copies of the notorized letters...as soon as we get Renity's Social Security number, we're going to make it even more official, with a will.

That's awesome Jamie! You know, I'm going to sit dh down tonight, and we are going to figure this out once and for all! You just gave me some awesome incentive!

8-) Hopefully, though, it will prove to be an unnecessary waste of time.

How many dads are there?

Maybe you could talk to your aunt and try to get together and talk to the dads. Maybe your aunt felt powerless and overwhelmed bf. Getting together might help bc there is power in numbers. I would not try to fight for custody though. That might complicate matters.