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I've never had a preemie, so I can't speak on your exact situation, but even with my full-term firstborn, I didn't want to let him go or let anyone watch him- even my mom! And I imagine since your son was in NICU for so long, you're even more protective. My daughter was also full term, but a NICU baby. Long story, but during her birth she got fluid in the lungs and had to be suctioned and monitored. Then her blood sugar went awry and they weren't going to release her the day I was going home. It ended up stablizing and she came home with us when I was discharged. But, just the thought of coming home without her and leaving her with strangers (medical experts though they may be) was terrifying. I can't imagine what you went through- that may be why you don't want him out of your sight now!! I think your feelings were probably normal for your situation. I'm so sorry for you that ppl just discounted your feelings and said you should just be happy- what you went through- having to leave your child and not really knowing what's going on on a minute by minute basis with your child- that makes for huge emotional turmoil. I was frustrated even just for the hour or so, when they do shift changes and no parents are allowed in, so I can't imagine your situation. And, as for your baby not knowing your his mom- HE WILL!! Nurses came and went with shift changes, but you've been a constant and a voice that he recognizes from the womb. And now he's with you and I'm sure he knows!!! Good luck with your little sweetie.

Hi CShell - I had a preemie too and actually started a post over in infant care. My baby was born at 27 weeks and spent 140 days in the NICU due to lung disease and being on a ventilator. I felt guilty too about not being able to carry him to term. I was in the hospital for 4 weeks on bedrest before he was born so by the time I came home, my home didn't feel like mine, and I came home with no baby. Now he is home and doing all right other than being small and still on O2. I still have mixed feelings surrounding my pregnancy and his birth. I just can't wait until he is off of the O2 and various meds that he takes every 6 hours. I want to feel like a normal family!

My baby is now 8 months old and doing so well. I think over time I have finally began to feel like everything is normal again. He still has PT once a month come in and look at him to make sure he is ok. He is almost crawling and wants to walk. Other than maybe needing a helmet for a slight case of flat head all is well. BTW he was born at 32 weeks. I think it takes time to feel normal again. Congrats on your baby being at home. It is hard to adjust, for me I just kept thinking I am supposed to still be pregnant. I think it is common to feel really wierd and off after going through this. I can tell you it gets alot better. I wish you the best.

Hello CShell, you are very lucky mom... Your baby is home and he is OK. Don't feel like you let your baby down... My son is in NICU 26 days today and he is going to be there for very long time... He was born at 35 week of pregnancy, nobody expected... and next day after birth he had a big internal surgery... I still cann't understand Why this is happen to MY son??? What did I do wrong during pregnancy, that cost him so many problems? He is very healthy, but he lost big part of his intestens and recovery process will be very long. And my house now so empty, and I wake up at night to a pumping machine instead of my baby, and he is some where in the hospital fighting for life without me... Believe me I know how hard it is, but I don't know will I ever get bak to normal???... I just have to be strong, b/c he will need me some day, and we will be at home together some day... Best wishes to you and your son.

Had you had a previous abortion??

shygirly, NO and I am not really sure why you asked that. My ? was about having a premature birth in which I felt bad about having him in the hospital.