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My daughters bf/father of baby is in rehab(drugs/pot) for second time.He has spent 70% of the time they have been together.He has been a repeat offender in the past.He has alot of trouble in his life w/in the past 2yr..Plus this type of issue is w/in his family.I belive he wants to do right and is putting forth effort.He was unable to be here when she gave birth,state social,courts & rehab said yes he courts at first,then no when the time came.The system seems to keep him down,and uses my daughter/babys mom away from him.They use her as a reward for him.He wants to be in babys life,but these services seem to only allow contact when they think he is "good"...There's a big picture to all this.Bottom line is,the services has wore these two down,to the point of she thinks he just doesn't care.Yes his actions are on him,but could the services be doing more harm than good?He wants to be a father and bf. but his self worth has been beaten out of him.Then my daughter is so tired all the way around,and can no longer fight these issues.She broke down the other nite real bad.So she just wants to break it off w/him,and not wanting baby to ever see him.Do you think these may be too rash of an idea now?Baby was born 11/03/06.Plus my daughter has been treated for post trauma depression w/in the past 3 yr.s...2005 was a hard year for us because of P.T.D...Should she sit back and look at the big picture,talk w/the father and hang on just a few more wk.s.He will be home in 2wk.s plus he does get to come home on wk. ends now.Should she jump back into a ex-bf or any guy for that reason,now?I belive she needs to sit back for a minute and let things rest.Talk w/him about her feelings and why she feels compeled to run from him.The ex-bf and her are like oil & water...Because some things cann't be fixed once broken.My daughter is also in no trouble w/the law has good grades.They baby shouldn't be used by anyone to "blackmail" somebody to get what you want or to cause harm.Do you think the infant needs both parents,that are willing to be parents?Do you think they should be allowed to bond?Do any of these ideas help onset postpartum depression?How do we as parents help our children so they can in return help the child?
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In my experience I have found that once your in trouble with the law, you stay in the system. Weather it's probation...(that they usually violate, and have to start all over again), or another pet_te crime. I'm not tring to disencourage you, but that is usually how it is. Only a few actually make it totally out of the court or state system. They will say they will do better and try...and they actually mean it when they say it. But when push comes to shove the wrong crowd or person or situation will come up were they feel despreate and the need to do something to interfer with their good standing with the system. The question is....Is your daughter strong enough to see him come and go. Is the child going to benefit from seen the father in little time frames. ( Such as every 6 months off and on). I feel the child does need to know who their parents are, but is it going to destroy the child when he leaves or doesn't see him for a while. See what happens in the next 2-5months. When his released...if he is a father to the child, let him be a father. If he goes back into the system....Well it's up to your daughter what is best....but she will probably be setting herself up for hurt again. If it was me...I would let him go. There are lots of fish in the sea and thier is always something better around the corner. Just continue to be suppoetive. Good Luck,
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i agree with wellis once in the system they tend to stay in the system they will generally always be. I dont blame her for wanting to give up on him i mean she hardley knows him if you think about it lets say they were together for 1 year if he has been in rehabe 70% of that time which leaves him out to spend time with your daughter for 3.6 months. He had 9 months nine months is a long time to turn your life around when your expecting a child. 9 long months that most of the time it sounds like your daughter didnt have him there for suport while your daughter was growing up getting ready for this baby he wasnt. I dont blame her he sounds iresponsible he might say he wants to be part of the childs but does he mean it probably not because if he did i dont think he would have been back in rehabe he would have tryed his d__n hardest to BE THERE and not in rehabe Yes im sorry that was a little harsh but if i was your daughter that is how i would look at it his family has a history of drug abuse which means if he gets over this addiction he can easily fall into another addiction I personaly wouldnt want my child around an addict. If my daughter was going through this yes i would want the father of the child to be there but it would be so hard to trust him he had all the time in the world and who says that he is going to change now that the baby is here how long is he going to say i want to be there but hes in rehabe there is only so much your daughter can take you have to let her do what she wants if she gives up on him there is truely nothing you can do to tell her not to She probably feels abandoned by him like he wasnt there for her when she needed him the most. THen again that is just how i would feel but i do think you should let your daughte rmake this decision as much as you want to make it for her she will never learn if you make all her decisions for her. I wish you all the best of luck
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I went through this myself. My boyfriend at the time and I had a baby in highschool. My now husband was making bad choices, drinking drugs. Went to jail for 5 months. It was a big choice for me to decide to stick it out and support him while he was away or to leave! I stuck it out, not easy!!!!!! They need to work through things one day at a time. If you have any questions or your daughter wants to talk feel free to contact me.
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Also My husband got his stuff together and has a 4 year degree and is working on a masters. So the whole once a mess up always a mess up is false!!!!!!!!!!!!
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its not false it just depends on the person your now husband didnt get put in rehabe TWICE im sure there is more to your story but if he only went to jail once and then started to clean up he obviously knew that was wrong. These are similar but different situations as hers seems a bit more sever but also im not saying you didnt go through alot because im sure you have
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bufie......I'm not saying it's not possible to clean up, I'm saying it's very hard for someone to do it. In my opinion only 1 out of 100 make it out of the system. If your guy or girl is that one....than I'm happy for you, but the other 99....well I'm sorry. Like I said before. Give him a chance. He'll be home soon. If it doesn't work out this time....it's not going to. Good Luck!!!!
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i agree with wellis10 and unfortunately for your daughter he will probably never change especially if his family is into the same trouble. as sad as this is your daughter should fight now for permanent sole custody of the baby as with the state he has his life in she has a great chance. if she tries to hold out then realizes she can't and he is home and such it could be a battle for the baby. besides if she gets custody and down the road he straightens out they can reinstate his rights if she thinks its worth it. you have to think for the baby....if shr\e sticks this out and he doesn't change then remember the baby is growing up seeing that....
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