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My mother warned me that the first week home with a newborn is an eye opening experience...so she and my father will wait until WE are ready for them to visit. My in-laws on the other hand feel like they are welcome anytime. They have told me that as soon as the baby is home, they are jumping in the car! I told my husband that I would like atleast a week to recover and adjust...am i being selfish? I dont mind a quick hospital visit but I am really dreading people dropping in on us at home.
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All of my family lives out of state but EVERYONE wanted to come visit us and our new baby right away. I didn't let anyone come to visit for 1 month, mostly because they would be staying with us. If my family lived in town it probably would have been sooner. A week sounds just right. You are NOT being selfish. You and your husband need time alone with your new baby. And you need time to recover and not worring about intertaining guests. If you really don't want anyone there for a week, tell them that. Most people are going to understand. Good luck to you!
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These people would also be staying with us. That is my main concern. I would like more than a week, but my husband thinks I am being silly and keeping his parents from seeing their grandchild. I wish they were more understanding like my parents...
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Thank you for this post! I am in exactly your position right now with my in laws. I have asked my parents to be up with me for the birth and to help right after, but I have asked my husband to help delay his parents from coming for a few days. They haven't taken it well, but never having a baby before, I would like time to learn how to b___stfeed and handly my new little one. This will be my in laws 8th grandchild and my parents first grandkid, so I wanted to let my parents get some time with their first before my in laws arrived. I also don't want to hear how my husband's sisters handled their newborns while my hormones are crashing. I know I will appreciate advice later on, but don't know how I will handle all of it with my hormones. Anyway, just know you aren't alone in this and it was really refreshing to hear that another woman is in the same situation. Good luck!!!
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| jg - March 13 |
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My parents, brother and his wife, another brother and my sister came to stay the day after i got home from hospital. My brother and his wife cooked, mum did all the laundry, my brother and sister did the running around jobs, and my dad held the baby while I had a nap with my husband. It seemed overwhelming before it happened, but it wasn't at all. If visitors come - tell them where the kettle is and let them make themselves a drink. If they offer the fold the washing - let them! If they offer to vacuum, hang the washing out or do anything else, let them! They will leave happy that they have been able to help you and it's one less job for you to worry about. When it was time to feed my baby I went to my bedroom and my husband came with me, and we fed the baby and then came back out and joined the visitors. It really is not as bad as you think it will be. And you will probably find that most people will realise that you need a bit of time to adjust to parent-hood and will stay away for a while, but family are different. They will want to be there more than anything, and if you can, it's nice to let them.
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If you are up front with the rules, it can work even if they are staying with you. I told my family, who came before the baby did, that I was not cooking or cleaning for at least two weeks afterwards on my midwife's recommendation, which she really did tell me. But it was my family I allowed to come, not my in-laws who have a lot of grandchildren already and are a bit critical of how we have chosen to parent (attachment parenting, sling carrying, cloth diapers, so forth), until we were settled and I was more comfortable with b___stfeeding and felt better. I didn't let them come until DS was 8 weeks old! They said they felt a bit hurt, but once I explained that while my family was there for the birth, they were there for his church blessing, they understood. So it might help if you can tie their visit to something else. . . . It's nice if someone will come help you, but they need to respect your space and your needs. Do not a__sume they know what you need though. If you want something done, tell someone to do it. . . .. For my next baby, due later this year, I'm essentially going to bed with my kids to nurse and heck with what everyone wants me to do. . . . . Also, change the message on your answering machine to give the details about the baby and then shut the ringer off!!!! It will ring off the hook, and you do not need to spend your time answering it. You should be resting and nursing. Have hubby change the diapers. Seriously.
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| kr - March 19 |
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You are soo normal and reasonable! I had no clue that I would not be able to walk , sit on my bottom or use the toilet for the first 2 weeks. All I could trouble myself with was eating,sleeping and going to the bathroom for myself and my new-born. I felt happy to finally have my baby, but my body was leaking all kinds of fluids and it was hard to take a shower. Be firm with your husband...he will thank you later because for the next few weeks it will be him cooking, cleaning and helping you move the baby from room to room. Explain to relatives ahead of time and get a sign for your door saying that mother and baby need rest. This is your child, you get to set the rules.
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