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I am lost. What should I do? This is my story - I aborted a baby last June. It was the wrong thing to do. My lover and I hadn't known each other for a long time and, although I wanted the baby, he didn't. So I respected his wishes and aborted. I felt very lonely and in the hospital (I am in a country that isn't my own) and I regreted it straight away. A few months later my lover realized that we did wrong and that my need for a baby was great. He changed his mind and so we tried for another. I got pregnant right away only to experience a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks. I had a d/c in November. I was devastated. Again, utter loneliness. My partner is very supportive but as you know, the mind, body, soul of a pregnant woman is something only a woman can understand. The loss we I feel from missed pregnancies is a feeling that I don't think any man can quite understand. We've been trying to get pregnant since then and it isn't happening. Every month is h__l. . . I get my hopes up before each period and then when the blood finally arrives I sink into a dark and guilt-ridden sadness. I have never cried so much in my life. What if I never get pregnant again? I am 32 in a few months. My lover is 59. I should also add that I am in a country that is not my own. The language is foreign to me. I am lost when I talk to doctors. If I was home I would have seen a gyno and a head doctor by now. But I'm not. And I am sinking into a depression, I never knew a sadness as deep as this before. What do I do? Why am I not getting pregnant? How can I enjoy my life again?