Lost My Little ANgel At 21 Weeks
17 Replies
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Hi, My name is Reah. I am 25 years old, recently lost my baby boy at 21 weeks of pregnancy due to either incompet_tive cervix or preterm labor, doctors are not sure what happened before. To give a little history of my pregnancy. Me and my husband have been married for a li'l over 3 years now. We always thought we will have babies 3-4 years after our marriage, but after 1 year of our marriage i had some abdominal pains, and doctors diagnosed i had a ovarian cyst that had to be removed, but we werent very convinced with thte doctor, so we took a second opinion and found out that my fallopian tubes were blocked, and wud need a HSG exam, we got tht and it didnt help, so i had to go under a surgery where they cudn;t fix my fallopian tubes rather took one out and tied the other due to some complications they said we might face if we got pregnant. NOW our last resort was IVF, it was so devastating and heartbreaking for me and my husband both.but we bounced back and got started for our 1st IVF cycle, and we got pregnant the first time with one embryo transfer. we celebrated for a week and it continued till the worst moment of my life . I was healthy and me and my husband were very cautious with our pregnancy, all the plans of our life included our little boy,even the smallest thing like going for a walk included him. my friends were planning my baby shower and i was so excited. all our monthly doctor visits were going great, we had our 17 week checkup and the baby was perfect, then we had our appointment on 21 week and on the morning of my doctors visit, i started having bad cramps and some pressure as i need to use the restroom again and again. it kept getting worse, within 15 minutes of all that we went to ER, and they said they see a bulging bag of water, and the doctor said its most unlikely that we can save the baby, and i was shattered. i was having really very bad contractions at that time, but all i was speaking was please save my baby. Doctor said 21 weeks is too less of a time for the baby to be viable. i prayed to god to save him all the time. doctors said we have 2 options 1) to break the waterbag and deliver the baby so i can be out of pain(we didnt want to do tht)2) wait and let things happen on their own. we waited and they had put me on epidural but i cud still feel my baby move inside me and i was praying to god to save him. that day passed and nest morning at 3 am, the nurse came for my blood pressure and i asked her that i dont feel my baby move, can you pls check his heartbeat, and i was scared to death. she tried with the doppler and could't hear his heartbeat, then they did an ultrasound and for the first time i saw my baby still inside me,else he was such an active baby always moving and kicking. that was the moment i felt god has taken away our biggest happiness and our most precious baby away from us, why? i kept questioning god, and me and my husband were so helpless, we cried holding each other and he kept saying to me, that God needed him at this moment and he will send him back to us soon.. That was the most devastating moment of our lives. We held him for sumtime and said our prayers. I believe god will take care of him for us. I want to get pregnant again , doc says wait 3 cycles and i would do that and then go for another IVF cycle. I have been reading about it all this while, it just helps reading some success stories after a pregnancy loss. i know next time docs would watch me closely and do a cerclage(st_tch in cervix) and put me on progestrone shots to delay the pre term labor.. I feel i am a strong person but then as soon as i am all alone, i just fall apart and cant stop remembering my little baby boy.he was so perfect when i looked at him , i kissed him several times, i held him so close to me. i wish it was forever though... My life seems very hard without him but i know i have to be strong for my husband, He loves me very much and cant see me crying, it breaks him. I want to be his strength, but i am just broken myself, we both try to be all fine in front of each other so that we dont hurt one another but its really hard. I pray to god everyday to take care of my son who is with HIM. and i believe he will send HIM back to me wen i get pregnant again..... I just needed to take this out, and i thought it would be helpful to start a thread here.
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Wow, I am so so sorry...Life just doesn't seem fair sometimes. But like you said, your baby boy is in Heaven. : ) God has a plan for us even amongst all the chaos in the world. My husband and I lost our first baby at 11 weeks which is NOTHING like what you went through but I still know some of the pain and loss you felt. We will start trying this month, it's been 5 weeks since my D&C and I just started my first period. so fingers crossed for both of us! I will keep you and your husband in my prayers Reah. Good luck!
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Reah,
I lost my identical twin boys at 22 weeks on April 5th. It was the most painful thing I've ever been through. It seems that no matter what people say, the pain never goes away. I agree that your baby boy and my boys are with God and they are being well taken care of. All we can do is move on from here because that's what our children would want us to do. I believe that there is a plan for us. Not exactly sure what it is just yet but all we can do is wait and persevere with life. I'll be thinking of you and hope your pain lessens over time.
Joyce
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Little Angels~
First I want to say I am so sorry for your loss! There is nothing else on earth that is more painful to go through, but you will get through it. I am had a very similar situation to yours, first of all we had a lot of fertility issues but finally got pregnant with a beautiful little girl but at 22w 4d I started to have a lot of back pain so I called my doctors office and they said to take a Tylenol and a warm bath and relax so I did, didn't help called back and they said to come in in the morning. Well around 4am I started bleeding and went to the hospital and I had bulging membranes and was starting to dilate. They were unable to stop the contraction and 8 hours after I first went to the hospital I delivered my daughter. It was still too early for her to stay here, so she is in GOD's arms along with your little boy. They didn't know if it was cervical incompetence or preterm labor either.
All that said...You need to start now with talking to you doctor you need to get some genetic testing done and tested for specific bacterial infections that complicate pregnancy. I say this because I am now pregnant at 25w but have been having preterm labor with cervical changes. With this pregnancy they have found that I have 2 genetic mutations (there not to big of a deal) and had a bacteria that is a common bacteria and had no signs or symptoms but if you have it during pregnancy it can cause preterm labor it is called ureaplasma there are a lot of others but that is the one that I had. They said that they would have to test me for it with every pregnancy since it is so common. I hope that this helps you. Just make sure your doctor feels like your high risk if he doesn’t then change doctors!
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im sitting here crying after reading what happened to you i just had a stillbirth on march 29th 2010 i was 22wks and 3days i also put on a brave face for my husband and children but when i am alone i fall apart as well. i am very sorry for your loss i know the pain of losings our babies will pa__s and get easier but never be forgoten good luck to you and your husband in the future
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Hi, I am Minal ...I also lost my babyboy at 37 weeks of pregnancy in Feb 2010. He had tight loop of cord arounf neck...I couldn't dare to see him, but my hubby says he was looking like angel!! I know he is sleeping on God's lap...God will send him back to us when the right time comes!! We are still in shock!!! It's very very difficult to come out of the depression...please pray to God for us...we can't live without him...our life is incomplete without him...
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Im sorry for your lost, I to had a m/c twice both were boys, one at 22 weeks, and the other at 19 wks 5days, and it killed me both times the most recent one was the day before thanksgiving of last year, its true you never get over it, but I was glad to find out it can be fixed and that I have an incompetent cervix and that I need a cerclage of course they didnt find this out till after the second m/c...but time doesnt heal it but it does lessen the pain
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Good luck on getting pregnant!
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I am sooo sorry for your lost may God hold you and your family in his heart.
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I am a mother of 3 full term girls 12,8,and 5 I was expecting my 4th daughter this November but just This past June I noticed that I was leaking clear fluid so I called my doctor and he told me to go to the emergency room so when I got there they ordered an ultra sound and saw that I was 2 cm dilated I was devastated I've never experienced any thing like that before in my life. My doctor asked me have I had problems with my cervix but the only thing I've had was the IUD for 4 years had it removed and got pregnant 4 months later but they say that has nothing to do with it. So I went back after being released 1 day latter and I was 6cm so they broke my water and I delivered Leah Ann Culpepper June 15th she was 20 weeks 4 days and I was do hurt I had to call my husband in Iraq and he came home on emergency leave we held her and spend a couple of days in the hospital with her but the other children did not see her we thought it would have been to hard, I now have an incompetent cervix and afraid to get pregnant again I have milk and every time I fill up I feel empty bc I have no baby to give the milk to and it takes forever for my milk to dry up even with cabbage so we are healing with God on our side but it's truly hard.
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Thank you all for ur comments and sorry for those who have been through the same, i can feel the pain u feel..and thanx for the good luck, we really need it. we are starting our IVF this month, i am so nervous , just praying to god to be with us throughout the process of IVF and the pregnancy..Thanx again .
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Im sorry for your loss. I know how you feel, i just lost my baby boy 20 weeks into my pregnancy, 3 weeks tomorrow..... and they couldnt give me any reason to why except that he had stopped growing and died.
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i am sorry for your loss, Brittany and Reah. I had premature on may at 25weeks. I had placenta abruption and the i was 8 dilated that's why the labor could not be stopped. Baby Jeffrey was with us only 9 days and he pa__sed away in my arms.Jeffrey's lung was not fully formed yet. He was beautiful and everything was fine except his lungs that effected his oxygen breathing. He was in NICU and i could not stopped crying and praying. He is a strong fighter..but 9 days he chose to leave his parents. Jeffrey was my first baby and that heartpain was unexplainable. On my last cuddle i told Jeffrey that his mum will always love him and he would be my number one boy.
Sometimes I asked myself if Jeffrey could just wait for 1 more weeks to be born..may be he would be still with us. I love him so much and pray he would be in better place with God. I supposed to be due in next August and try to be strong to move on. May be God has his own way for us.
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I'm so sorry and may God bless you and your family.
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oh wow God please give you strength and hold you in his arms i am so sorry you guys lost your precious little ones i cant stop crying for you
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Hi kbculpepper and firerose78, thanks a lot for your kind message.
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