Is It Wrong To Put Father Unknown
37 Replies
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Ok, I have been seeing the father of my baby for over a 1 year and 1/2. He is still in college studying to be a doctor, he said that his biggest fear was to get a girl pregnant before he finished school. I was told that I have PCOS and I couldn't get pregnant without help (usually) but also with PCOS to control symptoms they put you on brith control, something I knew/know that you are suppose to take everday but I didn't. Anyways, four weeks ago I found out I was pregnant, and at the first doctors appointment my doctor told me I had to be quite a bit aways along, so he scheduled an ultra sound. I told my boyfriend and he reasonalbe freaked out. After the ultrasound where I even saw the heart beat and everthing he sat me down to discuess our options. He told me that in three years he would be out of school and then we could have our babies. I told him it was a mircale that I was pregnant to begin with. He basiclly told me that if I had the baby he would never be there for me again. A week later he calls me up and asked if I am still going to have the baby and I said I can't comitted murder, he said his moral obligation is to be there for the baby but again he won't be there for me. Two weeks ago he calls me up to tell me that he had to drop out this semester because he couldn't focus in school because of what I did to him, and was seeking sympothy. And just this past week my mom got really sick and I called him stupidly looking for comfort and he told me that if I get rid of the baby he will be there for me, but since I am keeping it he wants nothing to do with me until the baby is born. And then he said he will be able to see the baby anytime he wants to and he will have a say in the baby's name. Since that time I have been examing him without the blind love that I used to have for him....and I have realized that anytime anyone has ever really needed him...his friends included he will abandon them for his own selfish sake. He only does stuff if it is in his best interest and now I am afraid that if I let him near my child he will abandon and hurt the baby. If the baby isn't what he wants at that time. He says he wants no contact with me until the baby is born and I even told him....look I know you are angry with me for keeping the baby but in you want to be invovle with the baby you have to learn to get along with me for your child sake. Plus I am thinking when the baby asked why mommy and daddy aren't together...what am I suppose to say...daddy left me because I wouldn't kill you...oh time to go see daddy now? I have this great job where my boss is even making arrangements so that I can stay home with my baby for the frist six months and still get paid. I don't need my ex, and I don't want him. Is it wrong of me to keep the baby from my ex?
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I would untill he makes an attempt legally to see it, through the court system tha tway he can't just pop in and out when he feels like being a father.
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lier you are being very strong, and i wish i was as strong as you! you keep it up! NO!! it's NOT wrong! :) you are doing a great job sweety.
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Hell No you are not wrong! You go girl! He seems young and selfish and I'm so glad that you can see right through him, some girls would just stick around and deal with the emotional abuse, I commend you! If he cared about how you felt he wouldn't treat you the way he does and he would support you no matter what. Stay strong for the sake of your child and keep me posted on your pregnancy! Bless!
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WOW GUYS ARE AMAZING NOW A DAYS. LIKE I HAVE MENTIONED BEFORE IN OTHER ADVICES I HAVE POSTED, YOU REALLY DONT NEED THE FATHER ANY MAN THAT COMES INTO YOUR LIFE AND LOVES YOUR CHILD AND ACCEPTS HIM AND YOU TOGETHER CAN BE THE FATHER. NOW THIS GUY SEEMS VERY SELFISH! OK FINE HE DOESNT WANT TO BE THERE FOR YOU THEN DONT, IF HE WANTS TO BE A PART OF THE BABYS LIFE THAT IS A DIFFERENT STORY. RIGHT NOW DONT THINK ABOUT WHAT HE CAN OR CAN NOT DO TO THE BABY THAT WILL COME WITH TIME. THE REASON WHY IM TELLING YOU THIS IS BECAUSE EVERYONE GETS UPSET AT THE FACT THAT I DONT WANT TO BE WITH THE FATHER OF MY BABY AND WHEN THEY TELL ME OH WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WHEN HE COMES TO PICK UP THE BABY AT 4 MONTHS, I GET AGGREVATED AND I TELL THEM HE WILL NOT TAKE THE BABY. BUT FROM ADVICE GIVEN TO ME YOU JUST RELAX AND LET TIME TAKE ITS PLACE. THIS IS A CRITICAL TIME IN YOUR PREGNANCY ESPECIALLY IF YOU CAN HAVE COMPLICATIONS. IF YOU FEEL SAD YOUR BABY FEELS SAD, SO TRY TO MAKE HIM HAPPY SO WHEN HE /SHE COMES OUT HE/SHE CAN SEE WHAT A WONDERFUL MOTHER HE HAS. SIT TIGHT ENJOY YOUR PREGNANCY AND LEAVE EVERYTHING ELSE IN GODS HANDS. DONT GET MAD AT HIM KEEP YOUR RELATIONSHIP AT A CIVIL LEVEL. REMEMBER EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON THE REASON YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW NOW BUT EVENTUALLY IT WILL COME TO YOU.
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hey i am in college too and i just found out i was pregnant about 3 weeks ago, i think i am about nine weeks along and i am asking a lot of the same questions you are. I think its amazing that you took such a stand you are doing great! Its amazing that a guy can seem so great and then once your pregnant and start to think about him raising a family you start to wonder. I have so many questions right now too. maybe we could email or something. Anyhoo i just wanna encourage to keep strong you are a great encouragement!
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thank you everyone for your kind words. I know I am doing the right thing...I just wished that I saw what an a__s this guy was before I got knocked up. Ka-sar sar. At least I am getting a beutiful baby. Sarah my e-mail address is bea_love@yahoo.com. I also have a myspace account http://www.myspace.com/gerrystallgirl
if you want any advice or encourgement feel free to asked.
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I'm sorry,but i don't agree. If you know who the father is (which you obviously do), by not putting his name on the birth certificate that is just harsh.. Just because the guy decides to be an idiot, doesn't mean that you should strip him of his rights to be a father.. you girls amaze me... i'm sure this is going to cause quite a stir, but i'm sick of girls getting pregnant and then deciding to stick it to a guy (and i'm not a guy)... This guy will have every right to his child, no matter what you think and not putting his name on baby's b/c is just harsh.. i'm sorry, but i have personal experience with this where my husband had a one night stand which resulted in a baby being born... this witch (for a lack of better word) has skipped town, has him paying child support, moved away, changed her phone number and we cannot find her..what hurts is that my husband loves children and we cannot even find her to meet the child.. the court systems are useless and obviously geared towards mothers... i'm currently 26 weeks pregnant and i would never think of not allowing the father of my child to not see his baby and/or not put his name on the certificate. we are wanting to set up an education fund and see this little girl, but we cannot even obtain a birth certificate BECAUSE HIS NAME IS NOT ON IT.. even tho this girl knew that he was the father.. what drives me even more insane is that she's sitting on welfare for the past 3 years, probably working under table & living with someone... the only contact we have is through social services and they won't give us any info of course & when we tried to see this child, she said that she will let her decide if she wants to know her dad... how the heck does a 3 year old decide if they wanna meet their daddy that they've never heard of...?? my moral of this long post, is do the right thing.. just because you're mad at him now, don't make him and your unborn child pay down the road.. your relationship may not last, but the kid will lose in the long run... heather, pingbootlace & empressNnenna, you guys are what's wrong with this society today...Yes, women should be able to take care of themselves, but NOT by making the guy's life miserable. You both made the decision to have s_x and by doing so you created a life... Cut him loose, tell him that you don't need him,but tell him that he will be responsible for this child financially and emotionally. As much as I hate for what's happened to my husband I accept that there is another little girl out there w/out a father..it breaks my heart, especially when we can provide things for her financially as well as emotionally, but this witch (again, sorry, but i hate her) is the one being selfish and making life miserable for my husband. lier - let me ask you one question: if your ex gets joint custody, is it wrong from him to keep the baby from you???
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YES, it would be VERY wrong and immoral to keep your baby from his/her father and please erase such negative feelings from your head. And come on, how can you think at this point that he would mentally and physically neglect or abuse your baby..? It is ruff now for both of you. He is freaking out and panicking and this is not by any means excusing his behavior. If he does want to be part of his child's life, on a consistent and regular basis, you should not deny your child this. That would be selfish and awful. See how things trun out after the birth. In the meantime be calm and peaceful and try to focus on your self. Try not to think to much or make decisions at this point when emotion and anger is running so high. Try to think of the positive in him that you loved before....Good luck!!
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if he is an abusive person in any way having a child wont change him. In most cases men do not change and those who do only change with counselling and much time. This has been proven over an over again. I am sorry but men are not basically good at heart no one truly is. As a mother you will naturally love your child, it is inate, but he may not and he probably will not change. Besides any man who has s_x with you before you are married has an 80% probability of cheating on you later. And any man who would want to kill his own child does not deserve to be a part of its life. Would you let a murderer be a part of your life?
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Sara-coco..." men are not basically good at heart ".....thats only because you have had such bad ones. but you cannot single all of them like that. Alot of women i know are not good at heart either.
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umm i am sorry youre just naive and i'll leave it at that. You really dont deserve and answer though because you never really answered any of my arguments. I'm sorry but an ad hominen attack does not count as an argument. (look it up sweet heart if you dont know what it means.) Also I know this may be hard for some of you because you have probably never thought logically in your entire lives but try to keep emothions out of this and use logic when you think.
As for those of you who know what I'm talking about -- youre on the right track. Oh and the answer the ad hominem argument I have known many many good guys. I obviously made a mistake and thats why I am in the situation I'm in. However one mistake just does not justify another. And this is the advice of very many older and wiser people around me that I have now begun to heed even if I am a little late. But as for now I think I'll take their advice of your insults and please come up with something better next time.
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i would do what you are doing. This is a mirical baby - dont spit in the face of a miricial
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hunnie you are soo doing the right thing.. he doesnt want to be around you and the baby! so then he shouldnt get to be around it when the kid comes out.. you need to be there for your child both the good times and the hard times and its soo awesome that you ARE pregnant there is no reason to kill it.. what if you cant get pregnant again and you sit there thinking i had my chance!! i grew up with a dad who didnt want anything to do with me and i honestly wish i had just been kept away from him then knowing EVERDAY that i was a burden to him .. it will be best for both your baby and you if you just leave him out of this... choose the name YOU love.. and have the baby that you will love forever! he doesnt need his name on the birth certificate! say its unknown!
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k if your calling him selfish, then saying you wont put him on the birthcerificate because of what he did to YOU, what does that make you. Both of you need to stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about this baby. If you are afraid of what he will do while visiting the baby, then have him get supervised visitation. A baby deserves to have a relationship with both parents regardless of the bitterness you two have with eachother. get over it, find a way to get along and do it for the baby. Trust me, its the best. if he proves himself unfit then fine, but dont tell your child the childish games that were played when he found out you were pregnant. dont ever bad mouth a father to his child. It isnt there fault and shouldnt be made to look that way. If he dosnt want to be around the baby then fine, but leave the door open if he grows up. Its not like the guy is abusive to you or anything. He is probebly freaked out right now because his whole world is about to change. Give it some time, but regardless but him on the birth certificate no matter what you decide to do.
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I agree with tyler. Maybe he is just scared right now and i believe once he becomes a doctor, he might realize what he is missing.
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HECK NO, you are not wrong. And I can't believe anyone would say that. listen to Heather27. Let him take the initiative. AND you have NO CHOICE but to leave his name off the BC if he's not present when you sign. this is a VERY IMPORTANT doc_ment, especially if you ever plan to be traveling outside the country. Nothing makes me madder than the idea that my son's father could have prevented me and my son from working, traveling, and promoting my book (the Single Woman's Guide to a Happy Pregnancy-- it's on Amazon READ IT) if he had simply felt like making my life miserable, and that could have happened if his name had been on the BC. He does now pay child support and have visitation, but I have the say in this. Men DO NOT have the right to control our lives and thos of our children simply because they were there at the conception, espcially if they take our energy away from having a full like during pregnancy by introducing all this drama. And the birth certificate will have NO BEARING on whether or not you get child support-- it had nothing to do with my getting child support because after paternity was established, changing the birth certificate was not necessary. I say good for you, girl! Take control!
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