19 Pregnant First Time Scared And Confused

10 Replies
junebug2009 - September 16

Im 10 weeks pregnant and im 19 years old. ill be 20 when i have it, that is if i have it. My boyfriend is older, hes 27 soon to be 28, and we are really close, we work together and love each other, but you see this wasnt planned, and i was actualy on the birthcontol pill, and now he has wanted me to have an abotion since day one and we have know for 5 weeks. I told him i cant do that i dont want to and i dont believe in it. But he just keeps saying how hes not ready to be a father, it will ruin our lives and our relationship. my mom supports any decidtion i make and i told her i was thinking about more so keeping it, and i just dont knwo what to do. I want to keep it but im scared of the future. I live on my own right now and my mom offered me to move back home when my lease is up, and if he choose to not be there i might just take her up on that offer. Im just the kind of person that likes to make people happy and it would hurt me so much more than i already do to do something that i know can possibly ruin my relationship with him.

 

eclipse - September 16

Have you considered adoption? You could always do an open-ended adoption where you get to know the adoptive parents and form a bond so you know that your baby is going to a good home. It is really up to you what you want to do, but if your boyfriend loves you so much, he should be more supportive of your point of view and not so one-sided about everything. This is a huge life change, but you have to come to a decision that you can live with. If that means doing it alone, adoption, or abortion, so be it. But you are the one that is pregnant and that ultimately is affected most by the decision. He doesn't sound that mature to me if he isn't willing to hear your side of things and work out a compromise. And there is a possibility that this entire situation may ruin your relationship with him, but if that is the case, it wasn't as strong as you would have hoped anyway. I wish you the best of luck in your decision and I'm glad your mom is being so supportive, you will need her! Keep us posted!

 

Amanda19 - September 16

I'm sorry your going through this. It sucks when the man cant *man* up. I would personally say screw him. If you want to keep the baby then keep it! There's no reason you cant do it on your own, you obviously have a very loving, helpful mother that will be there for you. Dont worry about making other people happy right now. This is HUGE. This is about what YOU want and the baby. No one else. If he doesnt want to be there it's his loss. Please dont get an abortion just to save your relationship with him. It wont work, you'll end up hating him for it.

 

Teddyfinch - September 16

he sounds like a real "cla__sy" guy. of course it's easy for the guy to demand the abortion but remember, it can hurt you if done incorrectly. if you have any feelings about not wanting an abortion, don't do it. it is something that is hard enough to get over when you have decided it is the best option and wanted one. if he's threatening to bail, then he doesn't sound worth it. adoption is an option and if it is something you feel you can do, you can adopt it to a couple who are infertile or something like that and you will know the baby has gone somewhere it is loved and needed. not that you wouldn't love and need it. i'm sure you'd make a great mom too. good luck, though and kick that boy to the curb. you need support right now, not a big baby. you are already growing a little one =P

 

angelmonkey - September 16

i,d say do what you wnat to do, dont let your man pressure you in to getting an abortion. you,l regret it if it isnt your choice good luck

 

Bilmes123 - September 16

honestly, your bf shouldn't be making you feel that way and saying it would ruin the relationship...it should only make it stronger. and he is as much involved in getting you pregnant as well. If he wasn't ready he should of wrapped it. I say keep it. If he all of a sudden runs off then it just wasn't ment to be. you shouldn't do something you don't want to do just for him.

 

Carly XxX - September 16

hi junebug, i was 19 when i had my daughter (turned 20 exactly 2 months later) and my other half was 26. we knew right from the beginning that we were going to keep the baby as neither of us believes in abortion and ,as my mum says, if your big enough to make a baby you are big enough to look after it. i wont say that abortion didnt enter my mind because it did. the pregnancy was unplanned and i was young but at 7 weeks pregnant i had some bleeding and had to have a scan so i thought i was losing her. when the doc said everything was fine and she could see a heartbeat i was so happy and knew then that having the baby was the right thing to do. i look at her now sometimes and it turns my stomache to think that i could have aborted her. she is my whole life and i have never been happier (we are now planning baby #2 and i am 21). i know my situation is different because i am still with my partner but i have no doubt that i could do it on my own. she is perfect in every way and even if im having the c___ppiest day ever all it takes is a big cuddle and a kiss from her and i realise how lucky i am and it cheer me up. like you my mother was very supportive and i am so grateful. i am not trying to tell you that you have to keep it because ultimately that is your decision and i have been there so i know what a hard one it is. listen to your heart, not your boyfriend. you need to do what is right for you or you could end up making the wrong decision to please other ppl. if you went through with a termination and it wasnt what you truly wanted would you be able to have a normal relationship with your boyfriend again or do you think you would end up resenting him? like i say, this is my personal opinion and i dont want to offend anyone but you need to do what is right for you. your life doesnt end when you have a baby there is still so much you can do and being young it makes it easier to still have a career or go back to college. just my opinion though. keep us informed

 

AddysMummy - September 16

Hi Junebug. These ladies have already pretty much said everything one could say, but I'll let you know no matter what decision you make you will always find support here. But don't abort just to make a man happy. If he can't respect your choice then he doesn't really love you (no offense of course.) You have every reason to be scared and nervous! But take a deep breath and look at the positives. You could 'ruin a relationship by making him unhappy' but what do you gain from it? Someone who will always love you, will always rely on you, and who needs you. Or you can go the route of adoption! You can give that baby a chance to live his or her life. Or you can go the abortion route, and only have children when you really feel you are ready. In the end it's all up to you. And if you do chose abortion what I suggest is maybe seeing a therapist etc because it can really mentally hurt a person. Especially if you don't want to go that way. But don't let him influence your decision. It's your body, your choice, your decisions. I really wish you the best in your situation.

 

JewelsMommy - September 16

Do what you feel is right. Don't let your boyfriend bully you into doing what he wants! When i was in high school i dated this guy for right at 3 yrs. I loved him and felt he loved me too. I was 18 and he was 18 when I got pregnant . Every thing was fine for a while but he left me when I was 5 months. It was tough. But like you i had the support of my family. I gave birth to my daughter in Sep 01 ( she just turned 7) and graduated college in 04. Even though we lived with my mom until she was 4 I know she has had a good life. She did miss her dad some but she really didn't even know him ( they 1st met when she was 3) and still doesnt. I did love him and still do a little(even though its a different kind of love now) but I know I have given my daughter a good life. I finally was able to move out and met a amazing man who is now my husband and loves my daughter as his. He is a great dad and would give his live for her. No matter what you do do what you believe is best for you. Because even though its hard to believe now maybe he's just your sole mate. But trust me there is one out there. It took me this long but i finally found mine.

 

amanda17 - September 16

Goodness you are getting a lot of responses :) Anyway, I want to make it clear that having a child won't ruin your life. There will be plenty of sacrifices, sure. But once you've got that little bundle in your arms you won't regret anything. If you want to keep it, KEEP IT! Screw what your boyfriend says, if he's not prepared to handle the consequences of having s_x than he shouldn't have it. He's 27 years old he should be more responsible than that! Think about what's best for you and your baby. Good luck.

 

Malica - September 16

Sounds like the relationship is already ruined no matter what. You need to ask yourself how you will feel if you have an abortion and your due date comes and goes. If you don't want an abortion, don't have one -- you will come to resent your bf and hating yourself for having one when you already said you don't want one. (I'm not anti-abortion, but you've already made it clear what you're thoughts are on this). You need to start putting yourself first and thinking about what's best for you. Sounds like your mom is being wonderfully supportive about this and you want to take her up on her offer. If he loves you, and I mean *really* loves you, he will understand that you wouldn't be able to live with yourself if you had an abortion. How selfish of him to think only of what he wants at a time like this!

 

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