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Amanda-I have some bits of info that may or may not help you but you're gonna have to read alot and be patient and give it time.
First off, your hormones are still changing and adjusting and that d__n episiotomy scar doesn't help. I doubt that's the problem with all the other info you give but it doesn't help. I had a similar problem, I tore and the part they sewed me up at seems to be tighter than ever. Everytime I have s_x or should I say HAD s_x it ended up feeling like it had been torn right open the next day. It sucks sooo bad. Anyway, this problem sounds about 75% mental, and 20% physical. I know that doesn't add up, but the other 5% could be anything. I don't know everything about your s_x life, how Harold approaches you and what you like in the past, sorry.
Anywho....here's one possible mental problem-you aren't a hot young girl anymore! Sorry but it's what we go through. We are moms and it's weird! You are a real mom and don't seem to stray from thinking everything over in the longterm, how would my daughter feel about this, what if my daughter did this, sense. You are an overthinker. And to whoever else was saying they need alcohol to enjoy s_x, this could be a part of your issue too. It's mental. The female orgasm is brain-linked, not automatic. *Make sure to tell Harold that so he doesn't bruise his ego or cause any strange experimenting thinking that he just isn't hitting the right spot anymore*
Now on another note, I don't know what this is, but I enjoyed s_x every time I had it with my ex, I enjoyed it pregnant, I enjoyed it after my son even more! But at pretty much the same time range you're in, I suddenly had s_x with my ex after about a month and a half to two months of not having any and nothing was there. It was like all my tickle spots had been hollowed out. It was dead, even for a little while I was always too wet and loose (even though he said I felt tight still and there was some work for him to get it in). What I did to get any sensation and the occa__sional orgasm was I made him work on it. I did this thing where we'd take turns, one time he'd get naked and lay down, next time I'd get naked and lay down. I'd go back to that time when we were just making out and his body fascinated me. I'd explore every inch of him-playing, ma__saging, tickling, kissing-and not doing it to have s_x but really focusing on what I loved about his body. We'd usually be talking during it and I realized our convos were like they used to be when we were playful and sweet and infatuated and curious. Then when we did have s_x we always started off really slow because it'd be nature taking it's course. We weren't approaching it from the angle of "getting some or getting off," we were enjoying eachother and s_x came about because we wanted to be closer to eachother-the touching of hands wasn't enough anymore. He longed to be inside of me and I longed for him to be inside of me-at the same time his obvious longing made me feel attractive and wanted. That brought back the ability to feel something, and usually I'd get off when the end was more of a pulling in, not a banging the hell out of it because he's almost there. Get was I'm saying? I'm going to be real with you-now that I look back on it (and he told me this was what it was) I realize that when my son hit 6 months I was starting to let the things that happened to me (s_xually and you know what I mean) really get to me. I also went from not minding having s_x when I'm not in the mood, to feeling like trash when doing it. It got sooo bad, one night I broke down crying and just begged him do it again because that's all I was good for. I didn't realize that it was directly coming from the stuff with my son's father but I now see that that was the first place that it started surfacing, and it was in the same way you're describing. Luckily, at the time I felt very secure with my ex as you do with Harold, so I really think this can be solved easily but both of you guys are going to need to try to bring you back into s_x for intimacy, not the "get er done" thing that we fall into when we are comfortable with someone-comfortable enough to get a little kinky. We get that way because we can, but maybe you need to reestablish that s_xual tension, that heat, that longing! Trust me, it really does wonders! But the thing is it takes both of you guys really doing it, not him diong it to get some in the end, and not you doing it with the worry in your mind that it's not working it's not working-that'll defeat the whole purpose. It takes some time, spend the next few weeks playing like you used to. Not allowed to touch eachother other than a long kiss twice a day, but flirt throughout the day like two kids with crushes. Eye him and remind yourself of every part of his body that turns you on.
The next week linger in a kiss and add some touching but only the amount that you guys can detach from like kids on the couch and your parents might come in any second.
Then move to a makeout session where you explore eachother
then move to more s_xual exploration, fondling, learning what he likes like youprobably did when you guys first started messinig around. I know a lot of people don't do that, but i did because I felt comfy with my ex and I was soooo curious and like obsessed with everything from his waste down. If your comfy let him do the same to you. But don't induce orgasm more than seeing the reaction0-this builds longing. Then go right back to not doing hardly anything thing only a long kiss where you bring your bodies together. Then after all that, if you see that you are burning to be close to him, go into full on cuddle and getting close and enjoying eachothers bodies and not with the intention of having s_x but because you missed eachother, if you have a heated moment-then let loose honey-I promise that you won't reget it!
Hope that helps and just so you know, that's pretty much what a s_x therapist would have you do! Please let me know if that helps or applies to you at all. Oh and forgive me if I gave a little tmi or touched on anything you didn't want to hear, but I felt that the only way to help was to dig a little and put it all out there.
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