Daddy Not Giving Her Attention
6 Replies
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Recently I have become more saddened by the lack of involvement from my daughters father. We are together and all but he keeps saying he will help out more or actully give me one night where I can sleep but he never does. He will hold her for a bit during the day and soemtiems if Im lucky I can get him to change a diaper a few times a week and he actually feed her a few times a week. But to me thats not enough. He acts like tis a crime for me to want more. He works bla bla. Well If I was working he would expect me to do everything still. He has another daughter from a previous marriage. She is a year and a month old. He gets her for 36 hours a week thats two days and one night. And in those two days he does more with her then he does with our daughter in over a week. He will get up at ngiht to sooth her but neve with ou daughter. I feel horriable thinking that he favors one over the other but its what it seems. If we go up to his parents he will pay more attention to our daughter but to me it feels like a show. Im worried. We have talked a few times but nothing has changed. What should I do??
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Skyfeather I'm sure it feels like he favours one over the other but remember he tries to cram in as much time with his other daughter as he can he doesn't see her every day don't worry he'll come around I was angry with my husband too but hes great now.As for it being a show in front of his parents definitally NOT he's probably just so proud and wants to show her off to them my husband did the same .Keep talking to him and try to stay calm and don't use his other girls name in the conversation that will only make it worse .As for the sleep think we all know that its hard and he is working you need to nap when she does and ask your husband to maybe get up on a friday night or saturday when hes off. It will get better trust me.
Good luck!!!
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my situation is almost identical to yours although my partner doesn't have any other children. my daughter is now 4 years old and she does misbehave like children at that age do. but my partner seems to want a child who never makes any noise at all. at the moment he is out of work while i work full time. i have to take my daughter to school everyday and then make it to work by 9,30am and this involves getting two buses. i then get home from work and have to cook her tea, do the bath, read the books and play with her. while he never does anything. he has only taken her to school once in the 10 months she has been going, he's only given her a bath once in her whole life and when she was a newborn he never give her bottles, her nappies or even got up in the night. i am lucky if i get a lie in once a month. even then i have to make her breakfast late cos he hasn't done it. i feel like a single mum
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Even though you've already talked about it. You should prepare for the next conversation by writing down all the time he DOES spend with your child. Just because you talk about it doesn't mean he really notices how little he does. I'd let it go for about 2-3 days doc_menting EVERYTHING he does for your child and then for the same amount of time doc_ment for his first daughter. Then compare them before you talk and be prepared to show him the doc_mentation when you do talk about it. Just lay out the facts and see what he does with them.
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Thanks everyone. Today we had his first daughter int he car and he barely did the speed limit. We were late for church because he went so slow (this is the first time he's had her on a sunday) When we have our daughter in the car I have to keep reminding him to slow down and do the speed limit. I really do feel depressed ove this. I just wish he would treat them equal. He is now goign to court to get his other daughter half the month. Im worried that it may get worse. He works three days on three days off. Those three days off he will only change her diaper once and give her a bottle once a day. But while he is at a work I will be expected to completly take care of both children which I will willingly do but It makes me sad knowing that he wont participate as much with ours when hes here. Today he kept on telling his other daughter he loved her and never said a word to ours. I gave him a look and he finally said- I lvoe you too Kaylee. Im going to see if he will go to counsling with me, I dont want to feel like this anymore.
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I'm sorry Skyfeather but he sounds like a jerk. If you need a break, time to yourself, whatever--then do it! If he's not up to the challenge of taking care of his child then ask his parents or yours or another relative. If you really think he puts on a show for his parents then maybe that will give him the kick in the b___t he needs (for you to ask his parents to watch the baby so you can get a break). Mention it to him that you're going to ask his parents to babysit. Maybe he'll want to keep putting on that show and take care of the baby himself while you give yourself some much needed attention.
If he is putting on a show then he would want to keep it up and watch the baby himself to make himself look good in front of his parents. And also if he spends that time alone with her it will strengthen the bond he has with her. I wonder why he's paying more attention to the other child. How old is your baby? Maybe he's scared of hurting it. My husband was scared to hold our daughter when she was born. Said she was too tiny he didn't want to hurt her. After I convinced him it'd be ok, he couldn't keep away from her! He did diaper duty when I was busy or resting. I b___stfed so he didn't get to do bottle duty for awhile. :) Maybe he does more for the other child because he doesn't want to put the burden on you? I think people tend to overlook some of the needs and wants of the people they're around everyday. Maybe he feels you will always be there and so will your child and he doesn't have to put as much effort into making you all happy. But he doesn't get to see the other one so much and is afraid she'll forget him or maybe the mother will turn her against him if he's not the 'perfect' parent. I hope it all works out for you! Hand you daughter to him and ask him to hold her for a minute so you can do this or that. Tell him you'll be right back to get her. If he can be responsible for the other daughter then he can be responsible for the newest one! Just keep putting her in front of him and making him watch her for a minute here and there or however long. I hope I've said something that can help you! Good luck!
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Skyfeather; It's not fair that he's paying more attention to one over the other, but I am not sure it just "seems" that way but it actually is that way. I think he feels guilty about having another baby with somebody else besides his first baby mama, maybe he feels his daughter is going to feel pain that the baby you both share is going to now be more loved. Ask him if he feels that way and if he says "no" then tell him it's either a change or a boot out the door. There's no reason for a child to feel un-loved. It's one of the worst feelings, so unless he can change tell him it's time to go.
Sincerely,
Madyson
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