Military Dad That Won T Except It
9 Replies
 | KJM - August 26 |
|
|
|
|
|
Hi, I am about 13 weeks pregnant now and I got pregnant with one of my best guy friends. Once he found out I was pregnant, he was in shock but he took it ok. He was very nice about it and supportive about it. A few weeks later, all the sudden, he tells me that he doesn't think it's his and he won't even speak to me unitl after the baby's born and we get a paternaty test. I feel very alone and I wish that he would come around so he won't miss the pregnancy. I don't know what to do and I feel like there is a lot of pressure from his buddies on base, to ditch me. What can I do to make him more confident and trusting in me? How can I help him feel better about being a first time dad?
|
|
 | C - August 27 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Since you didn't have a clear relationship as partners, you can't blame him for questioning whether or not it's his. You can't force it on a guy. This is unfortunate in your sitution but at least he is willing to have a paternity test done. Continue being friends with him and enjoy his company but leave your expectations of him as your child's Dad until after you can show him proof that he is indeed the father. As I said, you can't blame him because your relationship is not that of lovers to start with.
|
| KJM - August 27 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
That's true, we weren't dating but we were extremely good friends and he doesn't even want to be that. I don't mind doing a paternity test after the baby's born because I'm confident of it. (He's the only one that I had had s_x with) but I guess I'm just afraid that he will try to avoid me and not even want to participate in that eventually
|
| C - August 27 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
It could be that he is also anxious about this new development in your 'relationship' with him and needs time to adjust. First of, try to take care of yourself and this pregnancy-- it's the best you can do in the meantime which will make all the difference in the world.Your fears are valid enough but whatever happens you cannot deny your baby the best it can have now while inside you. This guy has a part in this and he has to come around at some point. Else, yes many friendships do change because of circ_mstances such as this. And yes, in your case it's changed forever. Now you may not be even friends anymore but soon will be co-parents. That is really not a choice he can get away from once the baby is born. You have to accept the changes between you -- and so do you.
|
| KJM - August 27 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
yep, I guess that's all I can do is take care of myself and this baby. If we're not friends anymore, I'll be sad about it, but if that's the ways it's going to be then it was meant to be that way. I just hope he doesn't do anything he'll regret.
|
| C - August 27 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
That will be for him to know and experience, KJM. You have tried reaching out to him. If he will have regrets later, it'll be life's hard lesson to him. Hopefully, that'll happen and that the outcome would be that he'd try catch up and become a good father figure. No guarantees though because people are different. One thing you have to make sure is that for now, you're going to do what's best under the circ_mstances and look forward to having this wonderful baby, who is a part of you!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
One more thing... since he is in the military, this is in your favor. He CANNOT REFUSE a paternity test. he HAS to face his responsibilites - I was military for 8 yrs., all you have to do is inform his chain of command that he is refusing his paternity test and they will MAKE SURE he does... hopefully he wont, but if he even hints that he is going to avoid the testing, get to his chain of command immediately and demand the test. Once it's positive, he is also on the hook for child support, and his command will enforce that as well. Good luck!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
My husband and I are both military - what Kris A. says is true; you can have his chain of command force him to take responsibility. However, doing so probably wouldn't be the greatest thing for his career, and he could end up really resenting you and the baby. I'd try to handle the situation between the two of you before getting his c.o.c. involved.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I DEFINATELY agree with Jamie sure you can go to his command, but don't think your life would be any easier... It is sooo much better if you settle it with him....
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
KJM, I agree that the best way is for him to live up to his responsibility on his own, but the point was if he DOESN'T then you have legal options that are in your favor. Dont even try to stiff upper lip this and handle it on your own, babies are WAY TOO EXPENSIVE for you to handle alone, and since you didn't get yourself pregnant, you shouldn't confine you and your child to poverty because his buddies are telling him to ditch you. In the end, if after talking and trying to be supportive to him and trying to answer his questions about the pregnancy and the child doesn't work, and he thinks he's gonna walk out on you and the child, go get him! Good luck!
|
