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You definitely need to seek some help. I know anti-depressants aren't advised during pregnancy, but you need to do something. I too have a depressed tendency and understand going back and forth with wanting to be pregnant and having a baby to not really wanting this new reality. However, your feelings are now going further to resenting this little baby for causing you pain. You should feel some kind of attachment to the baby, even though it's abstract. This is my first baby also, and I know the gender, and sometimes it's still hard to connect the fact that she is really a small, healthy baby in my stomach. If you're doubting you even want to see your baby once it's born, I would say you're in a pretty serious situation and at extremely high risk for postpartum depression. Definitely mention it to your OB since they need to know to make sure you're getting help especially once the baby is here to help you bond and connect. It will all work out. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way and having such a rough time. It's not supposed to be this hard. I hope your baby comes early or that they will induce you and get your hormones back to normal ASAP!

i agree w/ Sarah 100%. And i would only imagine since you already have a history of depression that these out of wack hormones while you arent on any meds is only making it harder. Im sure the attachment will come afterwards but you do need to let your docs know whats going on with you...call them tomorrow. GL

try prayers and keep it calm thing of those people who die to have a baby and see how lucky you are take care sweety

Janice just take ur time and breathe. I know that when its the end of the pg everything hit u at once. u will be a great mother...and smile...a big belly is the s_xiest thing in the world. Embrace ur beauty. The reason it hurts is because it's almost time for u to be due. in a min u will feel contractions and after u push that beautiful baby out and stare in his or her eyes for the first time it will make the 9 or 10 months all worth it. I go to the dr tomorrow so i will find out if I'm pg...i hope i am. I will keep u in my prayers and keep in touch with me

Awe Jenice! I somewhat know what you are talking about. As far as the depression feeling I agree with Sarah, talk to your doctor about it. It is not unheard of for women wo be on sometype of medication for depression or anxiety during pregnancy. Also just so you know, I too, feel sometimes like I am being held down. Pregnancy is a hard time on us not ony physically but emotionally. It is not uncommon to "resent" the baby so dont think you are a bad person or less of a mother. I actually described my baby as a parasite and I am the host. haha I too as well as alot of moms who wont admit it, sometimes feel like everything is happening so fast. Whether or not this baby was a good idea at this point in my life. Those feelings are actually quite common. I am not depressed or anything. I think I am more scared then anything else. It is ok. It is ok also to ask for help and I would do it if it is affecting you so much. I love this baby in me more then anything but I do feel sometimes like my life is over. I just want you to know you are not alone in that feeling. :)

All of the above is good. But, don't expect your mood to just jump back to normal after baby is born. I have a 2 1/2 week-old son and there are times when I just want to cry. Yes, he is amazing and I can just sit and look at him, but my emotions are on the brink, so to speak. I encourage you to find some other women to connect with. We have a mom's group in our town that I can go to every week. It doesn't seem like much, but it makes a huge difference to be in touch with other ladies who have the same experiences as you. So, my advice is to find some support other than dh.

Hi, sorry you are feeling like this. I did read that depression in the later part of pregnancy isnt uncommon, and I think its hit you slightly harder because you are already sensitive. Most of us at this stage (Im 39 weeks) are fed up of the extra weight and exhaustion and you shouldnt feel guilty about "wanting your body back" - what your body has been doing over the last 9 months is absolutely amazing and the end result, your baby, will be as well - its a shame that the hormones our bodies need to achieve this play havoc at times. Dont try to imagine how you will feel about the baby because I dont think any of us know how we are going to be until we see the baby..... some people expect to be flooded with love and find they are not, and vice versa. I know everything Ive said isnt that simple - but at least you recognise your feelings as being a result of that thing called depression that fools you into thinking everything will be bad ... as people have said it is very important that you speak to your midwife or doctor and let them know how you are feeling and then at least you know you have the extra support you need.

Jenice, I don't have too much new stuff to add because all these great ladies have already said it, but just wanted to put in a word for support. I think that a lot of your feelings are so normal, it is an exciting but scary time and so hard on your body at this point. Do reach out as much as you can and make sure they pump you full of all the meds that have worked for you in the past, if not now then right after you deliver. I take my hat off to all pregnant ladies who struggle with these issues and have to be off their meds for so long. You are courageous and amazing. Hang in there.

Thank you ladies...it's so helpful to get support from women who are feeling a little bit the same. I was waiting in line at a store yesterday (so proud of myself for actually leaving my house) and this lady in line behind me starts telling me how lucky I am...because her daughter is in labor at the hospital and she's only 5 1/2 months pregnant with a 2 lb baby. And I was polite (don't know where it came from), but all I could think was "how dare you a__sume everything has gone wonderfully, and tell me I'm lucky?". It was so frustrating to be lectured by a complete stranger! And friends here don't understand (we've only lived here for 2 years, and my depression has been going really well for those years, so these friends haven't seen me in total breakdown yet). In fact, one of them told my husband that his wife and another girl were hurt because I haven't been feeling like going out for coffee, or playing with their kids...lol. Like I can fit in a booth at the coffee shop! And those kids....I love them, but a 3 year old just wants to play, and I get really irritated by other people's children lately. (I've heard it can be a pregnancy thing.) One of my friends here has dealt with depression, but not for years, and when she does feel c___ppy, she likes having people there with her...whereas I'm a major introvert! So I'm supposed to feel bad, because my friends feel bad because I'm not capable of small talk right now. (Does that even make sense? It just seems so irrational to me...) I know they care, but I wish they'd stop being so darn selfish. People can be so frustrating.... Thanks for letting me vent. I feel a lot better after reading the responses...I told dh maybe I'd be ok with bringing baby home after the birth. (For a while I just wanted to leave it there...) I see my OB/GYN tomorrow, and I'll talk to him about it, although he didn't seem to care at all the last time I mentioned it (because I know I'm a major candidate for post-partum, and wanted him to be aware of that)...at least find out what's going to be happening. And if he doesn't cooperate, I have an appointment with my GP on Thurs. I love my GP. He understands depression, and is always asking if I'm keeping up with my treatments and seeing my psychiatrist. So I feel a lot more comfortable talking with him...I know he'll be monitoring me in the hospital.

I know what you mean about other people's kids bothering you. Kids I used to be able to tolerate drive me up a wall now. I just want them to go away. Sometimes I just act like I don't hear them and I walk away. i just can't handle acting nice and friendly to them, as bad as it sounds. I also find myself avoiding phone conversations with friends. I just don't feel like talking. It's different on here somehow, I guess because it's talking with a bunch of people who feel the same and understand where I'm coming from. Anyway, I am really disappointed that your OB isn't more concerned about your feelings. Have you told them that you have considered leaving your baby there instead of bringing it home? It's good that your GP understands you though and is concerned. Baby blues under normal circ_mstances are hard enough! I'm glad you got good responses. I was hoping I didn't come off sounding judgmental and was impressed with all the other ladies' responses. Oh also, my midwife asked if I have a depressed tendency, which I told her I do, and she told me to go on 2,000-3,000 mg doses of omega 3-6-9. You can find it online at vitacost dot com and it may help you. You can't take it after 36 weeks of pregnancy because it has potential to cause bleeding complications but once the baby is here, start taking some. You're almost there Mama! Any day and you'll be holding your beautiful newborn. Hang in there! We're here for you.

I just wanted to say that I used to be a very outgoing person. I also used to love being out and about. Since becoming pregnant I also avoid phone calls. We live on base and we cant have a caller ID out here. So I let the answering machine pick up every single call so I can see who I want to talk to and who I dont. I should really call some of these people back but ugh. Also I really prefer staying at home and lately I have been getting very annoyed at strangers. haha Its like they have never seen a 9 month pregnant woman. I swear if it wasnt for my husband, I would have screamed "Take a picture" at Kmart today. haha For me it really is easier talking on here about how I am feeling and what I am going through then talking with people I actually know in person.

I'm almost jealous Jennifer! I have only had one person stare at me and my belly. I guess 'cause my belly isn't ginormously large yet. And I have only had two strangers ask when I'm due. I am so annoyed at other drivers right now though. I have been known to yell at them on a regular basis in the car... and yell at DH to do things like pa__s the person going 20 in a 65. I don't know why I can't calmly say "You should pa__s this person" but it usually comes out a screeching "PASS THEM DANGIT! THEY ARE SO STUPID! THEY SHOULD HAVE TO PASS A TEST EVERY 3 MONTHS TO MAKE SURE THEY CAN STILL DRIVE!" Poor man. You know, people in general just bug me lately. I'm usually a nice person but I am finding it harder and harder to be nice.

omg sarah, i'm the same way, i've turned into such a b___h and normally i'm so nice. i just hijacked jenice's post.....

Okay, so I know this thread has sort of devolved from a serious discussion about depression to general 3rd tri annoyance, but I just had to add, I work with my dad. We normally get along great, but right now I could just kill him for every little thing he says, even if it's just "you wanna have lunch?" I went out to lunch with some other pg ladies the other day, and people in the restaurant stared like they were scared we were all going to go into labor right there. What is it with that?? On the up side, I've had some really nice people offer to help me with my groceries and stuff, which doesn't normally happen. - April

Oh ladies...your responses have me laughing! That's totally me...freaking out at strangers (especially drivers. I swear, the worst drivers in the world live here!), and avoiding the phone. I've never been an outgoing person, so for me it doesn't seem like a big change. I guess though, for non-hormonal people, choosing to stay inside my house and not answering my phone and not wanting to go out for coffee, well, maybe that seems odd to them. It's just that I feel like my brain has completely gone to mush, and until this baby comes out, I'm not going to be capable of normal conversation. You know? I just draw a complete blank when someone starts to talk to me! That's why I haven't really minded this whole huge renovation thing, because my head's really clear when I think and talk about it. (I love interior design, and dh and I work together super well on renos.) So, I can have perfectly fine conversations with dh's friends, about construction, and the weird things we've found happening in this house. (It's 100 years old, and by all means, should no longer be standing...we find treasure after treasure with every wall that comes down!) But I can't for the life of me talk with these girls. (They don't care for renos, and I don't want to hear about their whiney kids. Like, come on...I'm 9 months pregnant, and already doubting if this was a good idea. Don't complain about your kids to me right now!) Oh well. I booked a hair appointment for tomorrow. I though maybe pampering myself a little would help. And I broke down and bought a few things for the baby...sheets, and other boring things. But it makes me acknowledge that baby is coming, so I haven't been wanting to do it. One day at a time, I guess. And I got my tour and pre-registration done at the hospital today, and all of the nurses in the maternity ward (oh, they are lovely, lovely nurses...I want to take them all home with me!) are aware of my "condition" and are totally prepared to kick people out when I'm needing to be alone. (And these ladies are tough!) So, once I finally get to be in the hospital, I'll be in excellent hands! It's just this waiting...argh.