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My advice is: Get married. You're committed and living together, and ready to take the next step of a child. Please get married first and create the most stable home possible for your child. I don't say that to be judgmental, but I say that because it is true that statistically your child will be so much better off if you're married, and I know you want the best for all of the kids you will have. Now after that, read up on childbirth and pregnancy. I love reading birth stories-- it helps me decide what I do and don't want when I am ready to give birth. Make sure you have some extra cash flow to spare because diapers and wipes and formula if you don't b___stfeed are extremely expensive! And babies are expensive in general. Pregnancy in the first trimester is pretty miserable and tiring, so be prepared to need a lot more rest than usual, to be nauseous and feel out of sorts. You get bloating, cramping, all kinds of fun stuff. Barfing in the car into the nearest available container, barfing just at the thought of food. Then one day, you wake up feeling normal, and it's great. That's where I'm at right now. To sum up, get married, get all the knowledge you can, create a stable life for yourself, then think about bringing a new life into the world to enjoy.

hi sarah thank you for the post... i actually totoally agree with what you are saying and i am still going to go ahead and have a baby but i am goin to do my researse even thought i have done alot already it is a subject that you can never know enough about. i have been looking at an internet site all about the mothers stories on child birth and pregnancy and how it was for them and watch baby stories, baby talk and everythying else that even has the t_tle of baby in it...lol! i feel very strongly about wanting a child. me and my fiancee have a beautiful house in the middle of the country and i kno everyone in my island, my mum and dad and his family will all love to help with anything so i am lucky there. our money situation is low at the moment because we have only moved here 5months ago and we have bboth only just got jobs so after that we should be in a good situation. how old where you when you have your first? not that i think age matters too much, i say as long as u are secure in all a__spects of the word you are ok..cheerz anyway xxx

Sorry it took so long to get back-- don't know if you'll see this again. I am 21 and having my first. I got married when I was 19. Young, I know, but I had also completed 3 years of college and my husband was 25 and had just gotten out of the Army.

Please tell me, oh 21 yo old wise one, what difference it makes if they are married or not? Oh yeah, it doesn't. I agree with most of the rest of what you have to say, but being married doesn't guarantee that "your child will be so much better off if you're married"

I didn't say it guaranteed, I said statistically. Thanks for the criticism.

And while I'm at it, why are you so defensive about being married? All I'm saying is if you're ready to make the commitment, then make it. Get it out of the way. Have fun planning the wedding, then have fun planning the baby. disorders including anxiety, peer conflict, and hyperactivity. (National Center for Health Statistics, 1991: Study of 17,100 children in various family structures. The report also noted that children living with a mother and stepfather fared worse on most indicators.). She asked for advice, and I gave it to her. If you can't handle it, JJB, then feel free to give your own rather than criticize someone else's.

Sorry, my cut and paste from another site messed up my post.

Posting statistics will usually just anger people even more. (in my opinion) I only say this because I disagree with the stat that implies that children living with a step parent fared worse. I am not at all trying to start a discussion with anyone. I am meerly stating that i don't go by statistics because there will always be another side to each story. Yes, being married is a great start to having a family however there are those situations where the married couple are abusive towards eachother.. in turn this does not make a happy home.

Please, read what I am saying. I am saying that in MOST CASES, being married is better. If you are getting along well enough and committed enough to HAVE A CHILD, then you need to get married. It is a smaller commitment than bringing a life into the world!! For heavens sakes, I didn't say marriage is always the best. I said that statistically speaking, it is the best. PLEASE OFFER ADVICE to this girl instead of criticizing mine!

I was in no way attempting to critisize your post. I even made sure to mention that I was NOT trying to start a discussion. I was just stating my opinion and in doing so I was in a way giving her advise. The FACT is marriage is not 'needed'. Every case is different. I am not saying I would start a family before being married, but if that is her choice and she feels financially ready as well as stable in her relationship then she should do what she feels. Besides, her getting married is not going to guarantee that it doesn't end up in divorce, remember that.

Realistically, marriage has no bearing whatsoever on the success of raising children. It is really about maturity, responsibility and commitment to the child and one another. A piece of paper does not suggest that a child will be better off. Sorry, Sarah21, not to come down on you, but your focus on marriage is misplaced. It also excludes an entire subset of people that are having children yet do not have the privilege of marriage. My concern for forever_and_always would be whether she is emotionally mature enough to handle the responsibility of parenthood considering her young age.

My parents got married when my Mum was pregnant at 17. They lasted 17 miserable years before divorcing. I felt at a very young age that it was my fault they married and I was the cause of their misery. I always intended to marry before children to correct this error in my life, strange I know, even silly but anyway. I'm 32 now and pregnant with our 2nd. I was quite upset that my plans hadn't worked as I expected but I do feel now that with or without marraige our children are well provided for and are in a solid family unit. Learning this I believe the "correction" has been made. I hope that all makes sense.