I Need Some Suggestions Of What To Do
5 Replies
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six weeks ago I was raped, and I found out a week ago that I was pregnant. I'm 19 and live away from my family while I attend college, I haven't told my family yet and I am not sure how to.
Adding to my problems I have a boyfriend, I will call Shawn, here where I go to school who has been completely supportive of me from the beginning. The problem is I know for 100% that Shawn is not the father because we have never had s_x, and Shawn says that he wants to continue to be here for me.
My family has not met Shawn and I was wanting to introduce him over the holidays when I am suppose to come home for a visit.
How do I tell my family without having them blame Shawn? Do I even tell my family when I go home, or should I try to hide the pregnancy and not even bring Shawn? What should I do, I need help.
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unfortunately when it comes to families and daughters, the family will always place the blame in the boyfriend. that they weren't there to protect them or what not, but it's not that they have something against him. it's just that they, themselves, couldn't be there to protect you and it's easier to place blame than accept it. i still think you should bring shawn to meet them, but honestly i'm not sure when you should tell your family about the rape. but when you do decide to, make sure you have answers to all of their questions, like what were you doing when you were raped, were you drinking, where was shawn, how soon after did you call the police, did you take the plan b pill, and other a__sorted questions. i'm sure you've heard "i'm so sorry that has happened to you" enough so i'll just say be ready for it from your family and i think, considering your confusion here, that you seem to be holding up pretty well considering all that has happened.
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This is just opinion-but I really think you need to separate these two events. You don't need to try to bring this guy home to meet your family at the same time that you are telling them 1. that you were raped, and 2. that you are pregnant from it. I don't know how far away from home you are, but you need to talk to your parents like NOW about what is happening. Then let time go by for this holiday visit, or else it will be very awkward for your bf because everyone else will be reeling from your other news. It sounds like this guy is already being great, so don't do that to him. Your family will not be in the frame of mind to want to meet this guy!! So really, you need your fam's love and support and you need to give them time to let it sink in-then let the holidays be good times where he can be there. If you do it this way, most likely your family will end up being even more welcoming to your bf because they know that he has done what most guys wouldn't do-and that's be there for you at this horrible time!!!
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Holidays, as in fall break? I think you should break the news in stages, much as you had to digest it yourself. When you get home, sit down with your mom and tell her about the rape and why you did not report it - usually this is because you are in some way blaming yourself, which any rape counselor will tell you is a) typical and b) bad thinking. At some stage she will say, "Wow, you are lucky you did not end up pregnant" which will be your lead-in to the next part of the story. When your parents have had a chance to work with you on how to handle the pregnancy, you can at last say "What makes me feel even worse about this is what is does to my relationship with Shawn". You have a lot of ground to cover with the parents. Bring Shawn home at Thanksgiving or Christmas if his own family can spare him. Sympathy, and good luck!
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Hiya hun I'm also pregnant through rape. I'm 9 weeks now. I agree that bringing him to meet them now isnt a good idea. Do you know if you want to keep the baby? The girls here advised me to write all the pros and cons of all my options, and that really worked for me. When you are home I would tell them you have some news, and tell them about the rape and pregnancy at the same time (considering you are keeping the baby or adopting, perhaps if you chose a termination you might not need to give this info). You could tell them you are getting a lot of support from a great friend (your boyfriend), tell them how wonderful he has been. Then their reaction to him when you introduce him won't be one of blaming him. Unfortunately you won't be able to hide this for long xxx
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First you have to decide if you want to have the baby, put the baby up for adoption, or have an abortion.
I'll probably catch some hell for saying this, but if you don't see your family that often and you don't plan to raise the baby, do you have to tell them?
There are lots of really great families out there who can't have children that would love your child with all that they are.
If you'd like to discuss your options with me personally, I'd like to help. ms42721 on Y! mess.
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