My Girlfriend Is Pregnant And I Need Some Advice

43 Replies
rasta - May 13

I met my girlfriend and we hit it off right away. She is 28 and i am 29. From the day we met we spent every day together for 45 days, and fell in love. She was on birth control for 10 years and never got pregnant but for some reason she happened to get pregnant probly the first time we had s_x ( 2 weeks after we met). Now when we found out we were both very happy and decided right away to have the child but about a week after that she started to become very cold towards me, stopped saying she loves me ect. One day she asked me thru text for some space, she just wanted to be friends right now and that she needed to figure things out and her life had been turned upside down in a matter of weeks, i told her no problem even tho i really didnt understand and she offered no explaination at all i told her will be here but as time passed i started to miss her and texted her a couple times to try and work things out together but that just made her run farther away. We have never really agrued about anything. She wanted none of that and now if i even bring up why she doesnt want to see me or that i just want to be here to help she says we talked about this and gets mad. As of today she is 12 weeks along and i have not seen her for a month and it seems she could care less about anything i feel. it is like she just shut me out of her life for no reason at all. I know that if she hadnt gotten pregnant we would still be a happy couple. I love her so much, this last month has been the absolute worse of my entire life. Im so confused, i would marry this girl in a second if only she would just talk to me. Should i just stop calling her and hope she comes around or keep tryin to get her to hang out with me so we can talk face to face. When it comes down to it i miss her and she doesnt miss me at all. Any advice that anyone could give me would be greatly apperiated.


rasta - May 13

ps when i say calling, i mean texting, we havent talked on the phone in 2 weeks...


KingDavid72 - May 13

Hello Rasta. I am pretty sure that your girlfriend is just in a panic. It is probably her hormones. Most any woman who has been pregnant will tell you that it is just hormones and she will probably go back to her normal self once the baby is born or shortly after. My fiance is around 26 weeks along and we have been going through this big time. She has major mood swings and sometimes distances herself from me or snaps at me for no reason. You have to understand that if this is just her hormones going crazy, she really cannot help how she reacts toward you. It is natural for her to become selfish and not care about your needs for the most part, because maybe in her mind she is thinking that "you did this to me". I will say that your gf started this much earlier than mine did. But it is different for all women. one thing you have to think about is this, how much of a history do you have with her before she got pregnant? You may not really know what she is like in a difficult situation. You really find out who a person is when trouble arises. My advice is this, give her the space she needs and be there for her if she wants you to be there. Pray for her if you pray, and even if you don't, pray for her anyway. If you love her, give her what she asks for. I know it's hard because she is pregnant with your child, but if communicating with her pushes her away, then just back off and you get with friends who can encourage you and get your mind on other things, if at all possible. I will be praying for you ,man.


rasta - May 13

Thank you for the reply. We have known each other for just about 12 weeks, she got pregnant 2 weeks after we met. My main problem is that we dont talk on the phone just thru text, when i text her and she responds with 1 word answers ect. All i have been tryin to do it get her to meet up with me so we can talk face to face, as i said i have not even seen her in a month already and feel like a month apart is alot of space for her to have. My fear is that she thinks she can do all this on her own and does not need me. A week ago i text her a long message about how we should work on gettin to know eachother and build on our friendship and that im ready and willing to do whatever i can to make this difficult time easier for her and that i just dont want her to feel alone in all this. She replied by saying we have already talked about this, i need time to deal, there is nothing you can do right now and that she doesnt feel alone. Basically by me saying this to her has caused her to be even more distant. Ive tried to not contact for for days at a time but it gets me no where and gets to the point were i cant not wonder how she is. There is no one on this earth i care for more then her but if i would tell her that she would just be pushed away further, as if she could get much father away...


KingDavid72 - May 13

Well, man, maybe you could send her an email or write her a letter expressing your thoughts to her. That way you could have exactly what you want to say and read it yourself to make sure it's just right. If you don't think that will work, then you may have to just wait and not contact her at all unless she makes contact first which is next to impossible being as she is carrying your baby, but maybe once she notices that you are not trying to contact her anymore, she will wonder what is up and perhaps she will wake up and see that she may be losing you and realize that she still wants you around. This has worked with my fiance numerous times in the last few months. It takes patience, that's for sure. You are going through similar struggles as me but I a__sume this your first child. My fiance and I both have 3 kids each and one on the way. We were going to get married and she recently gave the engagement ring back to me and said she doesn't want to marry me nor keep the baby. She wants to give the baby to her twin sister and her husband, in fact we are meeting them this saturday to discuss the possibility of them adopting our son when he is born. I do not want this but after much prayer, I have to consider what's best for the baby, and not just what "I" want. Do I want a baby going back and forth between 2 split, single parent homes struggling to support him with each home having only one income? Her sister is married and has 2 boys and her husband and her are great parents and could give the baby so much more than we could. I am not trying to make your situation sound less than mine, I just want you to know that you are not alone in the not knowing if your pregnant gf is still in love with you. Mine has not said she loves me in months, but when we were together the first 4 months, she would say it often and couldn't stay away from me for more than a day at a time. You may have a rough road ahead of you ,man, but don't give up. In fact, I was thinking about your situation tonight while I was driving and there is a movie that I have that inspired me to never give up on my fiance and our relationship. It is called Fireproof, starring Kirk Cameron. it is mainly for married couple whose marriages are in turmoil heading for divorce but I guarantee that if you watch it, you will be encouraged to stay on course and may give you ideas on how to reach her heart and show her how much you truly love her. God bless you, man.


rasta - May 14

I will check out that movie, thank you for the advice. I really dont know what to say about your situation, i have never been engaged or had any children but i do hope everything works out for the beter for you. I was trying so hard not to text her but last night laying in bed i did it agian. I just said babe, i love you please dont me angry at me anymore, good night. Of course she did not reply and i feel like c___p yet agian. Part of me wants to just call her and let her know what all this is doing to me and that she sucks for being this way but i think if i do that she will take it as me being selfish. I wish she would get mad at me and yell at me or something instead of just ignoring the situation and me. We are having a baby together and we should be happy about it together. The other thing that worries me is that her best friend since she was a kid is a lesbian and lives with another girl, in fact she herself was with another girl in a committed relationship for like 1 year. i am afraid she may for some reason want to let these 2 people raise the child, just speculation but it wouldnt surprise me. I think i just need to put my foot down and stop being so nice about everything because being nice to her when she is so cold probly makes her think that i am weak and that she is in charge of everything


KingDavid72 - May 14

Well, man. if she was in a relationship with another woman, she may have just used you to get pregnant and you have served your purpose and she has moved on. I'm not saying that that is what happened for sure but it is possible. God put it in women to want to be mothers and it is sad to think that she would want lesbians to raise the baby. But, like you said ,that is just speculation. I do hope I am wrong about that. It is probably not a good idea to tell her off because one thing I do know is that when a woman is pregnant, her body is going through so many changes and it may be stressing her out and you telling her off will only add to it. I honestly don't know what to tell you other than you may just need to try to just not contact her anymore and see if she comes around. I wish I could tell you what to do , I know it must be eating you alive. But all I can do is pray and reply to your posts. I have found it helpful just reading other peoples' posts on here about their problems and what others say in reply. You would be amazed at how many people are going through somewhat similar situations and you may read something that will help you. I would definitely watch that Fireproof movie and I wish you luck.


KingDavid72 - May 16

Hello again, Rasta. I was just re-reading your last post, and the part where you said you think you should just put your foot down and stop being so nice to her when she is being so cold is probably not a good idea. I have heard it said that if a woman was crazy about you before she got pregnant, but is now pregnant and acting totally irrational, that when she has the baby or shortly after, she will go back to being crazy about you again. It is just her hormones. If this is the case, it is in your best interest and the baby's to just be there for her when she needs you and leave her alone when she wants to be left alone. She will look abck on this in the future and be so thankful that you didn't treat her bad and that you loved her enough to suffer through this for her. By the way, I am sorry for what I said on my last post about maybe she just used you to have a baby, I was stupid for suggesting that and probably made you paranoid. That is probably not the case, it was just a thought and hope I was way off. Just stay strong, man. I am having to be strong this weekend. My fiance called yesterday and said that our trip to see her sister and her sister's husband about maybe adopting our baby, was cancelled, so now I have to wait longer to get that overwith and on top of that I went to see her lastnight and she isn't feeling well, but instead of wanting me to take care of her, she wanted to be left alone and so I drove the 45 minutes back here and am waiting until she does want me there. I know that may sound weak, but she is pregnant with my child and I have a responsibilty to be there for her whenever she needs me. Well, let me know how things are going. God bless you.


rasta - May 16

God bless you too man. That does not sound weak at all i would do the same thing. As for me things have just gotten worse, she has started to just ignore me. I am so close to just giving up on all this. I wake up depresse and i drink myself to sleep is what my life has turned into. I turn 30 in 7 days and the only thing i want is her. She had always at least returned my calls or texts now there is nothing at all. Havent seen her in 33days and she only lives 5 mins away. Im so lost and there is nothing i can do other then just be miserable. I know that i can not be a single father, i just dont think i could handle that.


KingDavid72 - May 16

Let me start by saying that the way you are feeling sounds so close to how I felt years ago when my ex-wife left me. We met in '93 and started dating that same year. Her and I and a couple of friends went out partying on Dec. 22nd and were literally up all night. On the morning of the 23rd, I drove my friend to his job and proceeded to drive my gf and her friend home. On the way, they both fell asleep 'cause we were up all night and I began to fall asleep at the wheel. We had an accident and ran off the road and hit another car in a nearby parking lot of a gas station. My gf and I were taken to the hospital and we found out she was pregnant now. So, a few months later, we got married and found a place to live together. We had 3 kids together, that is them in the profile picture with me. Anyway, over the years, we were happy but slowly began to grow apart. In October, 2002, she left me and I was in a state of panic. During the time we were married(back in '97), I became a christian and the Lord became my life and I stopped drinking and getting high, etc. Well, when she left, my focus got off of Jesus and on how to get her back, so I stopped going to church and tried to get her back, but it only pushed her further away. I went back to my T.O.Y.s(the Temptation of Your Youth), which were drinking and marijuana. I couldn't sleep so I was taking sleep aid pills all week long so I could sleep and still go to my job, but even there, I would have to make trips to the bathroom so no one would see me crying. I was a pathetic mess. My ex didn't divorce me until over 2 years later and by then, I had forgiven her for leaving and cheating on me after she left. I will say that I only started drinking and smoking again to cover the pain but it didn't work, after a about 10-20 minutes, I was in worse pain than before. And I wasn't thinking clearly. I even drove over to the guys house who she was staying with ready to kick his b___t. I'm a christian man, and I was drinking and going to pick a fight. How would that have looked to my kids? You may not have kids, but I would go easy on the drinking before you get into real trouble, though I do understand what you are going through. I hurt for you, man. Just know that if this doesn't work out, life isn't over. I don't want to suggest you do anything stupid, but if she is only 5 minutes away, how do you keep from just going to see her? Have you maybe bought her some flowers and tried going to see her and take the flowers to her or have them delivered? I admit, I used to do that alot with my fiance ,but here lately, she doesn't show much appreciation so I have stopped doing that although I did buy and replace her car battery on Mothers' Day and I am not sure she said thank you for that. But anyway, if that sounds like something you want to try, go to, and you can get huge discounts if you set up an account there. Just trying to help. God bless you, man.


rasta - May 17

Well she finnally just said the she doesnt want to hang out and that she wants me to leave her alone.


KingDavid72 - May 17

Well, man, I'm not going to sugarcoat it. Just leave her alone. I mean how much worse could it get? I feel for you but I mean if you constantly contacting her only pushes her away, you're probably better off just giving her the space she is asking for. Now I know that that is easier said than done, believe me, I know. But, now in the meantime, you need to focus on bettering yourself for the baby's benefit. Do you want to be able to be there for your baby when he/she is born or do you only want to be a part of the baby's life if she is willing to take you back? You will probably need to work on getting off the alcohol and weed because you definitely don't want the baby exposed to any of that. You have to be prepared if you do want to have the privelidge of being a part of the baby's life. If she doesn't want you to be able to see the baby, you can't give her reason to prove you are an unfit father because you drink or smoke pot. I hope it doesn't come to that but you would need to kick those habits anyway even if you 2 were going through this together. This is just some of the ramifications of having s_x before marriage or unprotected s_x and an unplanned pregnancy. Your life is forever changed, I'm a perfect example of that. I'm not judging you because I have been there. I ,too, was into the drugs and drinking when my ex got pregnant with our 1st child but we did get married but it was only because she was pregnant that we got married when we did. All I can say is don't give her reason to be able to accuse you of anything that would make a court(if it comes to that) rule that you could not have some sort of custody of your child. I pray she does come around long before she is to deliver the baby so you can be there for that. It is an awesome experience that you will not forget to watch your baby being born and know that the baby is part you and part her and God just blessed the 2 of you and gave you a life and expects you to do the best you can in raising him/her. I encourage you to not give up on your baby but for now, just leave your gf alone. I think the only things I would ask her are when her doctor appointments are and how those went. I mean you have to be able to know how the baby is doing. To sum it all up, live your life now as if you 2 are never getting back together and now you are living to one day be the best father you can be. You have to do kind of what I am doing and that is to forget about what you want and focus on what is best for the baby. Believe it or not, your gf ,although she is hurting you terribly ,is really making a real man out of you because if you do the right thing, you are putting the baby's needs first regardless of what happens to you. You will need to put the baby's needs ahead of your desires. That is being a man in every sense of the word. If I can do it ,you can do it. It is not easy, but I am praying for you so do not give up. God bless you, man.


rasta - May 18

The baby will be well taken care of no matter what happens but i just dont want it growning up in a broken home like i did. Both the baby and i to have a normal family like i never did. So ya im not going to contact her no matter how much i want to just try and make it better. If she could read my mind i knew what i was thinking i dont see how she could act like this towards me. I will try and live my life like you said but i really dont think i can, she is on my mind every minute of the day and all i think about is just seeing and talking to her about all this stuff. What i do know is that she is a good person no matter what so i can just hope that she will realize that i wasnt trying to annoy her but just trying to work things out and understand what was going on. Then hopefully she will come back and we can do this thing right


tibbi5 - May 20

i was just reading your posts and thought i would give a womans perspective. i am married and have 3 beautiful children and one on the way. my husband is a great guy who tries hard, but i am 11 weeks pregnant and nothing he does is right. my temperment is totally off. i just had my first doctors appt. and had to tell the midwife that i felt like i was going crazy. when my husband isnt around i feel bad that i have been so rude to him, but the minute he is in front of me , i am off my rocker. i can't explain it, but it is hormones that are just messing with me. i am normally a pretty laid back person, but this pregnancy has brought out the worst in me. i know this isn't advice, but it is what is happening to me and i am sure other women feel the same. also, if you havn't seen her and she isn't returning calls and is being short with you, are you sure she is still pregnant?? if she lost the baby, this could also explain why she is avoiding you. she may know how commited you are trying to be and may not want to fess up in fear that you will blame her. are you sure she was pregnant in the first place?? is there a possibility that she used this as a way of scaring you off, and when it didn't, maybe she panicked and just shut you out altogether. you sound like a nice guy and maybe her feelings weren't as strong as yours and you just scared her. a month and a half is not a long time, maybe she wasn't expecting such strong words of emotion so soon. i don't know you or her, but there could be so much more going on with her than just the pregnancy and trying to figure things out. i don't know any woman who would rather raise a child alone than with a great guy. just consider the possibilities.


mrfaosfx - May 21

Holy cown man, my girlfriend did the same exact thing. Its like we almost had the same girl. Wow, women really DO change during pregnancy. Me and my girlfriend were like Romeo and Juliet and she is pregnant now and doesn't even seem to care about me and we are now just friends. She has even told me, she does not love me anymore and that she doesn't want to be with me. This hurt so much, I felt like hanging myself, I had to pull myself together and accept the fact that it was really over. I know exactly how you feel. That person you love so much, knowing the fact that you can't hold her, kiss her, touch her or be with her like you used too. It makes you feel empty inside and you think there is no hope but this appears to be normal, just take it easy, give her some space, stop calling her, txt her. She will call you, trust me, she will and when she does, you have to be in a good emotional state, move on, because if you don't. After my girlfriend moved out, she did things that hurt me. She deleted every picture of me from her computer and does not want to admit she did. Its like she DELETED me from her life, jesus...I didn't realise women take it this bad with their partner, I feel horrible the way things have turned out.


rasta - May 21

I know what you mean man, i texted her last night just to appologize and try and see how she was doing. I have no other option to just leave her alone, i just hope to god she comes back. I really dont know why she is doing this, i know we were happy, i know she is still pregnant as of last week at least and i know that i will wait for her to be ready to talk to me for as long as i have to. It hurts, more then anything i have been thru and all i can do is sit and wait. Mrfao how far along is your girl? Do you still at least talk to her? Im so hurt and confused about why this has happened, all i ever wanted to do is make things easier on her and now i guess she hates me, it just sucks she has formed this opinion just thru text messages


KingDavid72 - May 21

Hello again, Rasta. Well, it seems that the both of us are going to have a time of just waiting to see what happens. My fiance or girlfriend or whatever she is are not pursueing a relationship at this time. She said we should probably not see each other unless it has to do with making plans about the baby. I suppose this will tell whether or not our love is strong enough to withstand anything or whether there is anything worth hanging onto. We are supposed to go talk to her sister and her husband about them taking our baby to raise on May 31st. This is not what I want but I too do not want my baby being raised in a broken home. I am basically just letting her contact me if she needs to. I suggest you stick to just not contacting her in any way. The more you call or text her, the further away she will get, trust me on that. That is what happened when my ex wife left me. If I had used some wisdom and just stayed calm as best I could, I might have been able to save our marriage. And I know you can better yourself ,man. You say you don't think you can do it but all you really need to do is be determined to live life like a real man. A real man is not dependant on alcohol or drugs to get by. I'm not preaching at you but it would be to your advantage to pray to God to help you. If you come to Him and really want Him to help you, He will never leave you, I promise you that. Then, one day, you will meet someone who is going through what you are going through and you will know exactly what to tell them because you have been there and you made it through and though it hurt, it only made you stronger. If you want to know how God can help you through this, just pray and ask Him or you can ask me any questions you want to. I'd be glad to halp in any way I can. Be strengthened, my friend.



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