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KM, I thought that our stories were similar and they are. I got pregnant in Oct 07 and went into preterm labor in March 08 at 5 months. I actually went to the hospital and the labor and delivery nurses told me that the pain I was feeling was fibroid pain. I had never felt labor or contractions before so I believed what they were telling me. I did argue with them a little and told them that the pain was coming every 3 minutes (my husband was timing it) but they told me that the machine wasn't picking up any contractions. They said that per the machine his heartrate was fine and the baby's movement was fine. They did not check me for dialation or anything... they just sent me home where I gave birth to my son within the hour. I always beat myself up too and ask myself... what if I would have put my foot down and demanded that they listen to me when I said that I was actually having contractions instead of believing them when they told me it was only fibroid pain. In my case I did go to the hospital and I told them that I was having contractions and it still didn't help. I really try not to think back to the day it happened because there are so many what if's... I have often said to myself... gheez, I'm a woman how could I have not known what a contraction felt like! How could I have not listened to my own gut instead of the unattentive nurses. I beat myself up too much if I think about the day that it happened. I don't think that I want to have the same due date with the next pregnancy... I mean I would be estatic regardless but I hope that it happens this month so that I will not have the same due date because I don't want to experience the same things during the same times. I think that it will be too emotional for me. None of my family or friends who I've spoken with have gone through this... they all have kids and had no problems with pregnancy so believe me... I know where you're coming from. I don't know any of you ladies personally but you've been the only true support through all of this for me. Even when I sit back and read your post silently you guys are helping me. FYI, the ovulation test that I have used are ones from wal-mart. The 1 month strips (30 in a tube) are $18.99 and you can get the ones that look like pregnancy test that you pee directly on and there's normally like 7 in the box for around $10 or $11. I use the online calendar and start testing the week that I'm supposed to ovulate to make sure. I can normally tell because I get pain when I'm ovulating but I figure that getting the test won't hurt. Anyway, hopefully it will happen soon for the both of us. I'm trying to think differently and treat my body like I'm already pregnant but it's not going to register until I get a BFP. I've tried to cut back on caffeine (not much luck!) and I've started walking to get into better shape and help ease the stress of it all but I got terribly out of shape after losing my baby because I drowned myself in food so you can't lose 50 pounds in just a couple of days!!! So even though I'm trying to get myself mentally prepared I really don't think that I can truly get into a 100% positive mode until I see a positive pregnancy test. KM have you had an HSG? What did your dr say about ttc time? Did they say that after so many months they would be willing to try different things? KB

Hi everyone~ Sorry for being out of touch lately. I needed some "down time" to get my thoughts and actions in order...I had a second beta last week and my hcg level went way down so unfortunately, we lost the baby at 5 weeks. It's been a mixture of feelings as I am sure you can imagine but in the end, I always see the gla__s half full and we are gearing up for IVF cycle # 3 sometime in November. I am hoping that with a BFN with IVF cycle #1 and then a BFP with not so ideal hcg and then miscarriage (my second) with IVF cycle #2, that IVF's following these will result in a BFP with high hcg levels and a successful pregnancy!!!! This is our hope (hubby and I). So here we go again...the waiting game. Hopefully, we'll all be carrying our babies in our arms one day sooner than later. Thanks again for ALL of the supportive messages!!!!! I'm in it to win it as I know you are! Love, Sasha P.S. KM Williams~ I am sorry about your BFN!!! I know that it will happen for you in the near future! Please keep your faith up!

Sasha I am so sorry to hear the news. I was/am praying for you. Pray and look forward to Nov. it's right around the corner. We all have experienced the blesings of being pregnant and the sadness of loosing a child. However, all we have to look forward to is tomorrow (God Willing). Hold you head up and stay strong for you and your husband. Nothing but love and well wishes.

KB our story is similar. I try not to reflect on the past because it will only make me sad and bitter. However, just whathas been hapening the birth of my husbands cousin child and the contractions of his friend just brings the memories back. I watch tv and I see children/daughters starting school, proms, weddings and I just wondering what it would have felt like to experience that with my child. It seems like everything I plan doesn't work. I was supposed to get married May 24, 2008. However, my due date was May 22, 2008. I got married but not the way I wanted. Just my parents attended. (Husband's family live up north). KB I am confused a part of me just wants to give up because being disappointed each month really plays a toll on your mental state. However, not know when I ovulate will also take a toll on me as well. I am just going to pray about it and leave it in God's hands. I am through. Hopefully, we make love on the right dates. KB when will you know if you are pregnant? Good luck to all. God Bless.

KM, The calendar said that I would ovulate tomorrow but DH's baby's mama (BM) caused major drama yesterday and now we're in the middle of trying to contact attorneys and etc to maintain visitation with SS so ttc was on hold yesterday and today my head is throbbing so bad that I'm currently sitting at work contemplating going home early (to sleep not ttc!). BM caused so much drama that DH and I ended up angry with each other and now we're not on the best of terms. It really does seem like something always comes up doesn't it? There are times that I too believe that the universe is against me. I'm like you KM... it's in Gods hands. Maybe DH & I can make up in time to ttc tomorrow. Online it said that I could test on the 30th for pregnancy. I will let you know. Please keep your head up. Maybe the pregnancy will sneak up on you when you least expect it and give you a wonderful surprise!

What the hell. Just take it easy. Make up with your husband today and have s_x with him in the morning (wake him up if you have to). LOL. I tell my husband that I am so happy he doesn't have any children besides the one we lost. I don't want to deal with that drama at all. I know how some women can be especially if they haven't moved on. I wish you the best of luck with the visitation, courts, etc. It does seem like things are working against us. LOL. The only way I can keep my sanity is to think maybe my body isn't ready to be pregnant. I am through like I said before. God willing no more ovulation calendars, no test. strips. I will wait a week after my period and have s_x every other day. (if I can handle it). I am putting too much effort and pressure on myself to get pregnant. I don't think I answered your previous question. The dr. said if I don't get pregnant in 6 months to come back. After my surgery my dr (she wasn't the one who performed the surgery but the one I talked to from the beginning) did an external exam and said all was well. However, I made sure I went back and got a sonohystogram and they noticed I still have fibroids (more than one). Can you believe it : ( after all I've been through they still aren't all gone. She said there was no scar tissue and that all should be well in the future.

Sasha - so sorry this isn't the month for you. But I admire your positive spirit, and I'll be praying a hoping for a positive outcome in November. KB - I just sat here crying, reading your story. It was almost like reading my own, only you actually were in the ER and they sent you home!!! How do you not want to physically hurt those nurses? Seriously. To this day, I still cannot bring myself to utter the name of the doctor who didn't take my fibroid pain and subsequent contractions seriously. And this is the time of year that it really hurts - yesterday would have been my son's 1st birthday. And even though I feel totally blessed, BLESSED, to be carrying a sweet baby girl, the pain of the miscarriage 18 months ago still hurts. So how are you strong enough to move on? I've thought about sending the doctor a letter, but I'm not sure she would respond or if she would even read it. But I will try to be like you, and look ahead. Anyway ladies, please hang in there and keep up the positive thoughts.

Healing, I did send a letter to the hospital administration and never received a response. I'm not nearly as strong as you think! I still have very, very, very bad days. But I know that I want to be a mommy so I'm just trying to focus on getting pregnant now. Sasha - I truly am sorry about your loss. You're so positive always seeing the gla__s half full... good for you and I know that att_tude will keep you motivated and get you a BFP very, very soon! As for me I'm trying to remain positive. Per the ovulation strips as of this morning I was not ovulating :-( I was so excited thinking that the online calendar would be right and that today would be the day. Hopefully I'm just off by a day. This is so annoying!

Healing and KB the only thing you can do is let the anger you have for the doctors and the burse go. Pray about it. I know it may sound crazy but they are living their lives while you have this feeling of (hatred/disgust) for them. That feeling consumes you while thery are going on day to day. I blame myself, the doctors even sometimes I blame my husband a little but that is not going to bring my daughter back. I try to put it out of my mind but sometimes (more than 5 times a week) I think about it and the pain and anger come right back. I am ttc so I try to stay positive but it is so hard. KB I can't believe the ovulation sticks said you weren't ovulating. Yesterday I was at Walmart and so tempted to buy the ovulation sticks but I am going to try and stick to my word of not reading the calendar on the internet and buying strips. For me it's too much waiting and stress. I have decided to start living life. I have put alot of things career wise and relationship wise on hold ttc. When God is ready for me to become pregnant I will. Until then I am going to live my life like I should day by day. God Bless.

So, we have been trying for a couple of months on 100mg of Clomid. Around ovulation time, I could FEEL pain, but the tests showed that I was not ovulating. So, this month we went back for a follecular sonogram. Last Thursday I went in and there were 5 larger follicles (lots of small ones) and one of the 5 was bigger than the others. So, he said to have a fun weekend and come back Mon to see if I had ovulated on my own. I went back Mon and had not ovulated but instead of 5 follicles (with 1 that he thought would take over) there were SIX and they were LARGE. So, I got the trigger shot to make me ovulate and was told to come back in 4 days to see if they had "popped." So, I went back in this morning and we could see that 2 had popped, but there were still 3 to go. We are not hoping for anymore than 2, but figure that our chances are pretty good!! Pray for us to have a productive weekend!!!! I check this often and am praying for your girls through your celebrations and pains.

SASHA- I am so sorry you are in my prayers. My prayer for you is that one of these days you will be holding your little one in your hands. Keep being strong dont give up.

KKMS- Goood luck. Have a fruitfull weekend. I am also on clomid 50mg this is my 2nd month.last month after I took it I had my progestorone done at 21 days and it did show that i ovulated but no preg so we are trying again now. Hi to everyone baby dust and good health to you all.

Hi Ladies, I just need some rea__surance tonight that I'm not the only crazy impatient person in the world. Now I know good and well that nobody gets a BFP only 4 days after ovulation but I just happened to have 2 pregnancy test sitting in my cabinets since I knew that DH & I would be ttcing beginning this month. Although I knew that there was absolutely no way I would get a positive this soon the little voice whispering in my ear told me that just maybe if I am preggers that I would be the exception to the rule and just maybe there would be a really, really faint line. Of course there was only 1 line, not two and I know that it's way too soon for the stupid test anyway but now I'm sitting here stuffing my face full of croutons! I'm supposed to be trying to eat healthy and work on getting in better shape for a pregnancy but I'm sitting here eating out of stress. Please someone tell me that I'm not the only one this impatient!!! :-) KB

KB, you are TOTALLY not crazy! I know that the trigger shot that I got will give me a false positive, but I am SO tempted to take a test just to see that line there!!!! I know it wont be accurate, but still...

Hi KB, No, you are not the only one. When I was ttc I did the same, but because of my ignorance. My husband kept telling me not to get stressed,etc, but i was counting the days. And because of my ignorance I didn´t know that I couldn´t get a positive test the day after ovulation. So I had the evatest. It obviously threw a negative result so I thought I was not pregnant. REsult I went out with some friends and drank 3 whiscolas (whisky and coke). Then three weeks later as i haven´t had my period i rechecked and guess what. I was pregnant! I felt guilty about drinking but how could I know? I haven´t had an alcoholic drink since that day. So at least youdidn´t drink as I did!. Luckily everything keeps going right, I am on week 35, on October 20 (week 39) I am having the csection and the baby is perfectly healthy. Hope she continues in this way.

For you ladies who have lost little ones, check out the song "Glory Baby" by Watermark. Music can be so comforting.